Wilfred: Do you know why dogs dig?
Ryan: Because they're searching for bones?
Wilfred: Because we're searching for truth.

A bone? That's like giving a basketball to a black guy.

Jenna's not a meat-lover's pizza I can have delivered in 30 minutes or less. Hey! You know what sounds good right now? Chinese.

Apparently for the better part of three months, I was sitting in a coat closet getting baked with a dog.


Wilfred: Please tell me that donkey faced thing with the braces is not the chick you're going out with.
Ryan: She doesn't have braces.
Wilfred: Yeah you just can't see 'em, because they're probably on her legs. How do you think she supports that massive donkey face?

Catherine: Indian Chief, woo woo woo woo. That was a little racist but it was fun.
Wilfred: How is that racist? Indians do that all the time.

Ryan, anger is like herpes. You're not meant to keep it to yourself.

Mrs. Newman is my slave name. You can call me Catherine.


What? You think you can do better than undies on the face?

Ryan: You want the frisbee?
Wilfred: No, you can keep it. Place it in the bin. Don't throw it.

Wilfred: You're not crazier than anybody else.
Ryan: Said the dog to the man.

Ryan: Another Hillary Swank dream?
Wilfred: She was wearing a g-string in this one. Ryan it was so real.

Wilfred Quotes

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

Ryan: Get off.
Wilfred: I'm trying to!