What's so wrong with a little beer and some small talk with the ass holes down the street?

But Jenna's put a lot of work into this. She even took me to the groomer. Thanks for noticing by the way.

Ryan: Eat shit! Eat shit!
Wilfred: Again, your tone says insult, but what I'm hearing is a tempting offer.

Ryan: You son of a bitch!
Wilfred: How is that an insult? I've never understood that.

Ryan: I'm not crazy.
Wilfred: Said the man to the dog.

Jenna: That's so...
Wilfred: Okay Jenna you just cut mum off in the middle of a story!

Mrs. Newman is my slave name. You can call me Catherine.


Catherine: Come join me my child.
Wilfred: I thought you'd never ask.

Wilfred: Do you know what this is?
Ryan: Let me guess, the length of my dick?
Wilfred: No, it's the amount of compassion you've shown towards your mum...and the length of your dick. They happened to be equal in this case. It doesn't happen often, but it's pretty cool when this shit lines up. Like an eclipse.

For a guy who once tried to kill himself, you don't have a whole lot of compassion.

You know how creepy I find menopausal women.

Catherine: Indian Chief, woo woo woo woo. That was a little racist but it was fun.
Wilfred: How is that racist? Indians do that all the time.

Wilfred Season 1 Quotes

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

Ryan: Get off.
Wilfred: I'm trying to!