I could have done without the anatomy lesson, but that's OK. I'll work that shit out in therapy.


John: You ready to turn in?
Beth: You kidding? I'm five away from sleep.

Son, if I spent a week thinkin' of ways to fuck up my day, I could not have come up with this


So I guess the only question is how cute does an animal have to be before you care if it dies to feed ya.


John: Not hungry?
Beth: Nuh-uh. I'm intermittent fasting.
John: What's that mean?
Beth: Nothing but coffee and cigarettes till noon, and then I can eat what the fuck I want till I start drinkin' at six.
John: Well, I'd love to meet the doctor who came up with that diet.
Beth: I've adapted it to suit my lifestyle.

Beth: What are you doin' today?
John: Battling my conscience.
Beth: Well, I'd offer my advice, dad. But I've never been in that situation.

Beth: Love you. [Kisses John's head] Off to ruin a life.
John: OK, honey.

Beth: I wonder if you can take a guess on what would entice me to take a job doing exactly what my family has been fighting against for a century.
Bob: Their interest in Schwartz & Meyer.
Beth: Their controlling interest, Bob. Yeah. You bet on the wrong horse. You are fired.

I hope the good Lord gave you a big dick, Jimmy because he shorted you on brains.

6666 Ranch Guy