My life flashed before my eyes. Dick. Following Smash Mouth around Europe. Negative after negative customer service interaction. Divorce. More dick. I realized I really need to get my shit together.

Lindsay

• Permalink: My life flashed before my eyes. Dick. Following Smash Mouth around Europe. Negative after...
• Added: November 18, 2015

Edgar: Do you still like me?
Dorothy: Of course I do. So much that it sucks.

• Permalink: Of course I do. So much that it sucks.
• Added: November 18, 2015

But you know, maybe I just make bad decisions. I mean, I bought a chocolate fountain! Who does that?

Dorothy

• Permalink: But you know, maybe I just make bad decisions. I mean, I bought a chocolate fountain! Who...
• Added: November 18, 2015

I am a one in a generation. A disruptor. You know how in that Charlie Chaplin movie there's this ho, walking and talking on a cell phone even though it's 1928? I'm that future-ass cell phone ho! Trace! I'm out here everyday changing the face of EVERYTHING. Music, art, amusement parks, farm-to-table, claymation, laser shows...

Sam

• Permalink: I am a one in a generation. A disruptor. You know how in that Charlie Chaplin movie there's...
• Added: November 18, 2015

Gretchen: You need to stop. It's like you have amnesia. Every day you think things are going to be different and I'll just be happy. Well, maybe you can understand this: I feel nothing. About anything. Dogs, candy, old Blondie records, nachos, you, us, nothing. So for the last time... please GO.

• Permalink: I feel nothing. About anything. Dogs, candy, old Blondie records, nachos, you, us, nothing....
• Added: November 18, 2015

Red licorice vodka? Were you expecting Chris Hansen?

Jimmy

• Permalink: Red licorice vodka? Were you expecting Chris Hansen?
• Added: November 18, 2015

Little pig boy pay for my Invisalign? Send money, loser!

Kasha

• Permalink: Little pig boy pay for my Invisalign? Send money, loser!
• Added: November 18, 2015

Jimmy: Look, the truth is... I have a girlfriend.
Nina: Who? Greasy hair queen of dragons?

• Permalink: Who? Greasy hair queen of dragons?
• Added: November 18, 2015

Hey, that's your best garbage bag. You going somewhere?

Edgar

• Permalink: Hey, that's your best garbage bag. You going somewhere?
• Added: November 18, 2015

Just mimic everything they do like a rapidly mutating virus.

Jimmy

• Permalink: Just mimic everything they do like a rapidly mutating virus.
• Added: November 18, 2015

Sam: Why would you let me do that show?
Gretchen: Because you wanted to! You said, and I quote, "Get your negligent ass down to Fire 103, we doin' a show."
Sam: My blood sugar was low, you're supposed to give me some goddamn almonds!

• Permalink: My blood sugar was low, you're supposed to give me some goddamn almonds!
• Added: November 18, 2015