David: So you're not here to return my Dartmouth T-shirt
Caroline: You gave that to me.
David: No I loaned it to you, I feel like I lost it in a custody battle, and now I'm a deadbeat dad.

2 Broke Girls Season 1 Episode 16: "And the Broken Hearts"
2 Broke Girls
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2 Broke Girls Season 1 Episode 16 Quotes, 2 Broke Girls Quotes
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2 Broke Girls Season 1 Episode 16 Quotes

Caroline: Candy hearts. Here, hold out your hand, let's get our heart on.
Oleg: I'm way ahead of you.

Han: I've made a special menu for tomorrow's Valentine's Day celebration
Caroline: Han, that's so romantic
Max: Romantic and wrong. This is "When Harry Met Sally" it's :When Harry Met Salmonella"