Caroline: Max, you look so smart in that robe.
Max: Not that smart. I just found out you're supposed to wear clothes under this thing.

I passed! I got a B! Now my grade matches your boobs!

Max

I wasn't as nervous when I rated for the results of a Hep-C test. Then again, I didn't study for that one at all.

Max

You must be Caroline. You look just like the girls Max used to give wedgies to in the cafeteria

Mr. Huck

I started studying last night and on behalf of all white people, I would like to apologize for everything ever.

Max

Caroline: Invade your privacy? You shave your junk with the door open.
Max: So?
Caroline: To the apartment.

In private school, we never bent down to put our mouths on anything unless it had a yacht.

Caroline

The only thing I ever graduated from was a Scared Straight program, which is why I'm not gay anymore.

Max

Max, I can’t believe it. I screwed me and the horse I rode in on.

Max

Caroline: You sleep in your bra?
Max: I have to. Last time I let them out at night they didn’t come home until 4am and couldn’t tell me where they’d been.

My gambling problem got so bad I couldn’t even afford my drug problem.

Earl

You have a coccyx? Want to go out sometime?

Max

2 Broke Girls Quotes

You must be Caroline. You look just like the girls Max used to give wedgies to in the cafeteria

Mr. Huck

You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.

Max