I'm sorry Annie. I'm not the worker-bee type. I'm more of a silver back gorilla with the claws of a lion, the teeth of a shark and the quiet dignity of a tortoise.

Jeff

What is it about me that make broken people flock to me? Is it my height? Do huddled masses mistake me for the statue of liberty?

Jeff

I've spent almost four years here, growing and changing and making dioramas.

Jeff

Jeff: Everyone wants you to shut up.
Britta: And yet I won't. Case in point.

Pierce: If you knew what spooked me, you'd probably call me crazy and old.
Jeff: No one's going to call you, Pierce.

Jeff: What are you doing here Change and how do you know where I live?
Chang: I can answer both of those questions by returning your driver's license.

It's got to be better than wine tasting with Pierce. He refused to drink Pinot Noir because he thought it was French for "black penis."

Jeff

Jeff: Don't kid a lawyer.
Annie: Well if I see one, I won't.

Jeff: I'd like to offer my sincere congratulations. It's hard enough to find people you can stand in this life, let alone someone willing to stomach your imminent dementia and present incontinence.
Pierce: Thank you, Jeff. I just hope she can satisfy me. I'm like an insatiable baboon in the bedroom.
Jeff: Don't sell yourself short. You're a baboon everywhere.

Oh Abed. Will your reality ever come out on Blu-Ray so we can enjoy it?

Jeff

Pierce, take it from an expert. These people are just outside your heart. Let them in, before it's too late.

Jeff

He also listens to the Barenaked Ladies. Go get their dumbasses to help you.

Jeff

Community Quotes

Can we just take a mental step backwards and realize we're simply in a Winnebago?

Jeff

Britta: Are you okay? It looks like you have actual bedhead this morning.
Jeff: In fashion, I'm what's known as a taste-maker.
Britta: And you missed an entire side of your face shaving.
Jeff: And next month, so will Gwen Stefani