Archie: Cheryl, have you had any private contact from Percival Pickens? Did he stop by to interview you?
Cheryl: For a census? Yes, but I was taking a buttermilk bath, so I couldn’t receive him. Why for?
Betty: We’re worried his intentions for Riverdale aren’t above board.
Jughead: We think he’s recruiting people to his side.
Cheryl: For some nefarious agenda? Honestly, I’d be more worried about an angry mob dragging me into the forest in the middle of the night and burning me at the stake.

Abigail: Tomissina lived her life passionately and drank deeply from the juices of the world. Until she was murdered by a warlock pirate.
[Toni laughs]
Toni: What are you talking about? There’s no such thing as a warlock pirate.

Cheryl: To free Britta, do we have to perform an exorcism?
Nana Blossom: No, no, no!
Cheryl: Okay…
Nana Blossom: We must perform a banishment.

Jughead: Wedding? Who’s getting married?
Cheryl: Awkward!
Archie: Jug, Betty and I are getting married this weekend. You’re my best man.

Fen: She was the perfect addition to my collection.
Abigail: You monster! You will burn in hell for what you’ve done.
Fen: How right you are, Abigail.

Cheryl: Cousin, I need your mother to take the twins for a couple of days.
Betty: Okay, why?
Cheryl: Because some evil water nymph out of an M. Night Shyamalan movie is stalking the halls of Thornhill and threatening them. Will you let Alice know or shall I?
Betty: Ummm… [Stunned silence]

Archie: Cheryl, I’m not a virgin!
Cheryl: No, you’re certainly not. But you have the distinction of being our town’s one true pure heart. We needed a king who was willing to die for his queen. Only he would be worthy.

Archie: What is this?
Cheryl: A ritual. For me and for all of us here. Something has been made abundantly clear: if we want our maple trees to thrive again, if we want Rivervale to have a bountiful year in all respects, a sacrifice has to be made. But, the right kind of sacrifice.
Archie: Cheryl, this is insane. I won’t let you sacrifice Betty!

Cheryl: Poor cherub. But, I must admit I’m surprised you’d trust me with such precious cargo.
Toni: I loved you, and I felt your love. And I know the huge capacity for love your heart has, and that’s exactly what Brita needs right now.
Cheryl: Well, then I’d be honored.

Veronica: As I said, I’m hosting an exclusive by-invitation-only auction. The centerpiece of which will be some palladium doubloons I’ve acquired. Some of my guests have been asking about the palladium’s origins and I want to say that it came from your mines.
Cheryl: Not a problem! I’m always happy to let you namedrop my family in order to screw over your father.

Cheryl: What are you so happy about?
Penelope: Life, Cheryl. Everlasting life.

Nana Rose: The curse! The curse of our ancestors demands that all living Blossoms must die! Unless…
Cheryl: Unless?
Nana Rose: We sacrifice the interloper!
[Awkward silence]
Minerva: Oh hell no!
Cheryl: No, Min Min!
[Minerva runs out of the house]

Madelaine Petsch Quotes

Betty: Why are you asking me so many questions about Polly? Cheryl?!
Cheryl: Because, you dumb cow, someone shot my brother and I think it was your crazy tweaked-out sister.

Kevin: Is cheerleading still a thing?
Cheryl: Is being the gay best friend still a thing?!