This is a defense mechanism Eleanor. You saw yourself fall in love with Chidi, and it freaked you out to see yourself be so vulnerable. So you're using determinism to convince yourself that those feelings were not real.


The Good Place Season 3 Episode 8: "The Worst Possible Use of Free Will"
The Good Place
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The Good Place Season 3 Episode 8 Quotes

Jason: Dude, we can get mythical animals? Maybe I'll get a penguin!
Eleanor: Penguins are real.
Jason: That's the spirit, Eleanor. They're real to me too.

My screwed up relationship with my parents made me believe I could never really love anyone. I need to see it for myself.