Phil: Why don't you go talk to her?
Lem: Talk to her? Would you talk to a rainbow or a sunset?
Phil: If I wanted to get it on with refracted light, I would.
Lem: If only I was a worm. i could cut myself in two and date my lower half.
Phil: We all wish we were worms, Lem, but that's never going to happen

Phil Mymen, Lem Hewitt
Better Off Ted Season 1 Episode 9: "Bioshuffle"
Better Off Ted
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Better Off Ted Season 1 Episode 9 Quotes

Linda: Field testing shows that the subject, or "victim," as I like to call people "helped" by Veridian Technology, can be hundreds of feet away and will hear the message as though it's being whispered only to them.
Phil: It's highly persuasive. Advertising companies are very excited because it will allow them to burrow even deeper into the human brain

You might say Veridian Dynamics is like a finely tuned watch. That's Dale. He even has a big hand and a little hand