Better Off Ted Season 1 Episode 9: "Bioshuffle" Quotes
Veronica: You did this, Phil. And to recognize your efforts, we're promoting you to Senior Lab Associate.
Phil: Oh, I was promoted to that a year ago.
Veronica: Really? You shouldn't have been. You probably owe the company some money. I'll check into that for you.
Phil: Thank you
Ted: Fine, from now on, no more flirting. We keep it professional.
Linda: Fine with me... boss.
Ted: Good. Starting now, you're just another butt-less coworker.
Linda: Good. Then the door has nothing to hit on my way out
Linda: But, fine, what did you want to talk about?
Ted: Well, your work habits and how bad they are and how much that bugs me.
Linda: Okay, this can wait. Go ahead.
Ted: Well, to begin with, your work habits are bad, uh, and in conclusion, that bugs me.
Ted: I guess I've also been under a lot of pressure. With Linda moving in my office and all, it's... it's been a difficult time. So what do we do?
Lem: We're men. We ignore your vulnerable moment.
Ted: I meant about the biocomputer
Oh my god, I emptied the stomach of the woman I love
Lem
Oh, god, Lem, you're using science for no good. We took an oath we would try to do that less
Phil
Linda: Are you staring at my butt?
Ted: Hmm? No, your butt is in my staring place. So technically, it's staring at me.
Linda: Sorry. It's from a small town. It's never seen a big businessman like you before.
Ted: Well tell it to act more professional. It's making a spectacle of itself
Lem: I can be funny. Uh, want to see me throw something at that guy or touch the ceiling?
Lucy: That's lame. But it's cute you're trying so hard to impress me.
Lem: If you like lame, you should meet me for a drink tonight after I have dinner with my mom and pretend to go to bed
Phil: Why don't you go talk to her?
Lem: Talk to her? Would you talk to a rainbow or a sunset?
Phil: If I wanted to get it on with refracted light, I would.
Lem: If only I was a worm. i could cut myself in two and date my lower half.
Phil: We all wish we were worms, Lem, but that's never going to happen
Veridian Dynamics. Machines. When you were little, you wanted to be one. Now we're working to make that happen. By taking the best things about people, and the best things about machines, and combining them into something strong and, we hope, loving. Veridian Dynamics. Man and machines. Best friends forever
Commercial
Ted: Well, I'd love to help you, Linda, but I don't have a lot of space in here.
Linda: In here. In here... in here.
Ted: And there's that terrible echo
Yes, a biocomputer. It's half machine, half living organism. If you think that sounds creepy, you should see it at feeding time.
Ted
