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The pilot to Better Off Ted introduces us to Ted Crisp, the VP of Research and Development at the fictional, evil corporation Veridian Dynamics.  Ted shows us just how good he is at his job whether it's inventing a way to turn a pumpkin into a weapon (or at least putting the right people on it) or coming up with a use for a fabric... really uncomfortable work chairs that increase productivity.  However, Ted also shows us he has a human side when his boss, Veronica, makes him convince Ted to participate in a human test of the company's cryogenic freezing.  Ted goes to his girl in testing, Linda, who's busy trying to get her children's book written.  She tells him although there's a risk of Phil's eyeballs exploding at -20, he should be fine.

Ted initially convinces Phil to do it (he's very charming).  However, that night his moral compass, his daughter, who he takes care of by himself (his wife left him), convinces him otherwise.  The next day, Ted goes to talk Phil out of it, but it's too late, he wants to do it.  During the freezing, a nervous Ted and Linda end up holding hands.  It's successful!  When movers go to move the tube that Phil is frozen in, they end up cracking it and he's thawed out.  Now Phil has a nasty little side effect of uncontrolled screaming and facemaking as a result and Veronica wants him fired for it.  Ted and Linda end up in the elevator together and briefly discuss the hand holding.  Ted says he can't have another office affair, he already used his up on Veronica.  Linda doesn't believe him.

At the end of the episode, Ted stands up to Veronica and refuses to fire Phil.  I mean they did cause the effect after all!  Veronica wanrs that Ted will upset the powers that be for this.

Better Off Ted
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Better Off Ted Season 1 Episode 1 Quotes

Okay, people, we need to turn this simple festive gourd into a killer. I've asked Dr. Bamba to take a look at how Nature does it, because Nature is a fantastic killer of things


Veronica: We want to weaponize a pumpkin.
Ted: Then so do I. Because?
Veronica: There's a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.
Ted: Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.
Veronica: Pie.
Ted: Halloween and pie