Josh is saying goodbye to his girlfriend and as he walks away, a rain storm follows him, much like Ziggy. This one contains dead birds and fish.
His friend is looking for dates for him on an online app like Tinder and he cannot believe the closest girl is eight blocks away. He can usually find one within five blocks. He gives him a speech about crushing gash and wearing Jamiroquai hats if only he'd wear his shirt and go to Torch.
Instead, Josh's sister Liz has set him up on a blind date with an unseen chick from Sweden. She's well read. She's a troll. In the garbage can. Liz puts him in his place when he questions whether or she's really his type.
The troll eats the flower he buys her. When he says Mike spends hours trolling the internet, Gorbachoka (sp??) starts to eat him. Or perhaps just generally attack him. He punts her across the room.
After the nightmare Josh puts on the Robert Graham contrasting top so he can crush some gash. He heads out with confidence to Torch and spends forever at the back of the line. When he finally gets to the door, he doesn't have the cover. He asks some chick, "what's your deal" and when she doesn't respond well, he unzips his coat, shows her the shirt and asks again. The bouncer asks him to leave. He's making people uncomfortable. The line of the night continues. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."
At home, he gets ready to set up a Tinder type profile but his parents call. They start talking about how they met and he puts them on mute. When they hang up, he calls his ex Maggie. She's throwing a huge party. He should stop by if he's out. He changes back into his regular clothes and buys her favorite drink.
When they get to the party, Josh learns Maggie is dating someone. Hitler. Of the Adolph variety. Mike doesn't think it at all odd, but Josh is like, WTF? To top it off, he's Jewish. Mike says that's a real stretch and not to make it about him. Before he can do it, super old Hitler rolls up. Uh oh! He says there's a Jew in their midst. Josh watches it all with disgust, but can't help but miss Maggie none the less. In a weak moment, Josh screams, "I'm better than Hitler!" And more apologizing must be done. Old bastard can't even hear him.
As he leaves the party, the storm breaks and a bird dies on him.
At the subway, his card no longer works. He jumps the gate, smashing his bottle. A gal sits down beside him, awkward, but smiling. She can't really hear well and they have an equally awkward conversation waiting for the train. He takes the north train, even though he's going south. They chat about what potential classmates they might know in common. Pretty much nobody. At her stop, they introduce themselves and Josh asks Laura to go out to dinner sometime. She has a business card!
He gets a call on the way home. He's getting a genius grant. For picking up Laura! How did he do it? Did he use a line or something? They all bend in, interested in hearing how he started the conversation. Also, it was just lunch. Dinner is a bigger deal, because it's a night. Up ahead is a limo awaiting Josh and a phone call from Obama. He's an inspiration to men everywhere. When he met Michelle, he was rocking a Jamiroquai hat, but it was just a crutch. Josh proved the old fashioned way still works. Obama just doesn't get the Tinder stuff.
When Josh arrives home, there is paparazzi everywhere and the local paper shows him and Laura on the front page with the headline, Digits Acquired! Inside he sees his parents and Mike are out with the crowed. Mike says Hitler ain't got shit on him. He decides to let Isaac Newton go. He's eaten by a bird.