The episode begins with a typical Bachelorette one-on-one date (helicopter, rappelling from a skyscraper, hot tub, booze) that ends with Jillian giving Ed a rose.
Then a bunch of the guys go on a group date that requires them to film a Western with Jillian.
We have to assume her suitors include a lot of good actors — you know, guys pretending they want to win the Bachelorette when they actually just want to be the next Bachelor — but you can't tell from their performances in the Western.
The script calls for Jillian to kiss lots of the guys. Michael describes Brad and Jillian's kiss as "one of the most awkward tings I've seen two people do together."
Robby the bartender says he hasn't had a girlfriend in two years and hasn't kissed a girl in a long time.
Country singer Wes steals Jillian away and says he doesn't want to watch her kiss other guys. "Not that you're cheating. I mean you sort of are," he says. Jillian says it's sweet that Wes is a little bit jealous.
Next, everyone goes to a typical Bachelorette party. Reid hangs out with Jillian and isn't sure whether to kiss her. As he tries, Juan shows up.
Juan talks to Jillian. Cut to David saying he'd like to kill Juan. What? On a 1 to 10 scale of craziness, this merits a 50. Or, heck. A 60.
Everyone hangs out in a hot tub on the rooftop. Tanner P. goes off on how great Jillian's feet are. He starts kissing them.
Later, in a supposedly unrelated development, Jillian and Robby get out of the hot tub. The other guys hang out in the hot tub together as she gives Robby a rose.
Then Jillian plays the guys the film of the Western they've filmed, saying it seems like some of them forgot they were on camera during filming.
Sasha gets a one-on-one date. He wins the best mixed metaphor of the night by saying he considers himself a wolf. Most people stay "in line," he says, while he's "always looking for that mythical unicorn." Okay.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Wes notes that he has more on the line than the other guys because he's written Jillian a song. This is a great point that totally helps him make the case that he isn't just here to help his music career. No it doesn't.
Sasha takes pictures of Jillian at an automotive museum. She stretches out across the cars in her bare feet. He reveals he was in a tragic accident several years ago: He flew out the window of a truck that later landed on him and nearly paralyzed him. Jillian is moved.
Sasha says he's told three ladies in his life that he's loved them, twice in high school and once in college. Then brings up the mythical unicorn again.
Wes plays all the guys the song he wrote for Jillian. The guys are extremely unenthusiastic. One or two other guys play some songs as well.
Tanner P. says: "The guys playing guitar, I'm not sure what their agendas are. Are they here to win over Jillian or win over America?"
Despite taking to him initially, Jillian cools to Sasha, who she thinks is not ready for the same kind of relationship she wants. He thus becomes the first guy to go on a group date and not get a rose.
When everyone is asleep, Wes goes and stands under Jillian's bedroom window and again sings her the beginning of his song.
Jillian invites Wes upstairs to finish the song.
Jillian and the guys get together for a cocktail party. Jillian pulls aside David for a long-awaited heart-to-heart, and then Juan pulls her away.
Juan teaches Jillian to say "I think you're marvelous" in Spanish.
Jillian says Juan seems to be on the show for her, and not the wrong reasons, which is code for "to promote a music career."
She says Juan is always a gentleman and attentive.
Later, she talks to Tanner P., who talks about his love of feet, and tells Jillian that he, unlike the other guys, is there for the right reasons.
Jillian likes Tanner P. despite his foot fetish.
David complains about how much he dislikes Juan, which is starting to freak everyone else out.
Ed: Dave's a little unstable right now.
Reid: He looks like he's about to kill someone.
David tells Brad that Juan is here for the "wrong reasons" — secret code for, "maybe you don't have one-third of a song to promote, but you are trying to be the next Bachelor or something."
Standing outside, a drunk David challenges other guys to tell Jillian that Juan is terrible. Juan walks into the conversation, and David tells him to go inside, because he's talking about him.
Juan turns and leaves. David continues to ramble.
Juan appears outside again. David tells him to go back inside.
David: You're 35 years old, bro. Stop being a cheese ass and be yourself.
Juan looks stunned.
Jillian, talking to the great Chris Harrison, says she thinks Juan is a bit more "calculating" than the other guys.
The guys line up, and Jillian gives roses to:
Jake, Prudence, Mark, Jesse, Tanner P, Wes, Juan, Michael, Kiptyn, Mike ...
Chris: Gentemen, the final rose tonight.
And it goes to David.
David hugs Jillian.
Tanner F. and Brad go home.