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The episode begins with Pam demonstrating how she’s willing to lie in order to keep her job secure.

Apparently there’s a phone salesman that’s been trying to get a hold of Michael so he can dazzle him with a phone system that will make using the phone at Dunder-Mifflin much easier.

The problem for Pam is that this new phone system does about 90 percent of what her job entails.

In these trying times, it wouldn’t be good for Pam to find herself on the unemployment line so she’s been lying to the guy in order to keep him from meeting Michael.

When it seems like she’s out of excuses, Jim steps in to introduce himself as Michael and explain that they’re not interested in the phone system.

When Michael spots the man standing at reception, he approaches him to introduce himself but Jim intercedes and throws out a random “Ey!!!”

This prompts Michael to repeat the phrase and before long Pam and Dwight are doing it too. The phone guy doesn’t know what to make of it and leaves.

Mission accomplished.

It’s Valentine’s day and while Jim and Pam are celebrating, most of the rest of the office is bummed because they’re single.

This includes Kelly, who only got a Valentine from her dentist reminding her she’s due for a cleaning. Michael invites all the singles to mope around the conference room talking about their worst breakups.

Michael’s got his mind on the cute woman he met while “transferring bodily fluids” at the local blood drive. She left after he passed out.

Michael decides the best way to find the mystery blood-donor is to lure in as many singles from around the office park as he can by throwing a mixer.

Kevin’s still getting over his breakup with Stacey but he meets a nice woman named Lynn who seems to like him. Then he sort of spazzes out talking about Stacey and walks away from her.

He later goes back to her and explains that he gets nervous around pretty women and shows Lynn how sweaty his palms are. This charms Lynn.

Dwight meets a cute blonde and while she seems interested in him, he’s more interested in selling her paper. After he drones on about Dunder Mifflin paper, she gets bored and gets up to leave.

When she refuses to sign a contract to buy paper, Dwight calls her an idiot.

Michael makes it clear that Jim and Pam’s happiness on V-Day is unwelcome, so the engaged couple agree to go have lunch with Phyllis and Bob Vance.

Since Michael is terrified of Bob, they don’t have to worry about squeezing the lunch into an hour. It’s a good thing, too, as Bob and Phyllis take a time-out to go check out the handicap bathroom at the restaurant. Really.

Elsewhere on The Office:

  • Andy put down a bunch of deposits for various honeymoons and now he’s off spending time doing couples things by himself.
  • Andy and Dwight’s duel in the parking lot wasn’t the first time Angela had two guys fighting over her.
  • Dwight trained his major blood vessels to retract into his body on command. Also, he can retract he penis up into itself.
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The Office Season 5 Episode 18 Quotes

They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95 percent of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. [realizing] Vending machine...


Phone Salesman: Hi.
Pam: Good morning, can I help you?
Phone Salesman: Yes, I'm from Techstar about a new phone system for you. I was wondering if I could talk to Michael Scott.
Pam: I'm sorry, he's not in right now.
Phone Salesman: Really? He's never around when I come by.
Pam: Shoot.