One of the best things about BBC America’s clone-centric drama Orphan Black is that it stars multiple multi-faceted female characters, all of whom take initiative to solve their own mysteries, defend their families and friends from danger, and defy those who insist that their bodies are the property of others.
The fact that these amazing women are all on the same show – and all played by the same talented actress, the incomparable Tatiana Maslany – makes you wonder what would happen if we spread the wealth.
It seems unfair that Orphan Black fans get to bask in so much Tatiana every week while others are deprived of her talents.
So many shows currently on the air could benefit from another strong female character or two (or five) – why not an Orphan Black clone?
How to Get Away with Murder / Alison Hendrix
You know who’s really good at getting away with murder? Alison Hendrix. Her husband accidentally shot a man in the face, and rather than have a nervous breakdown, she jackhammered through the concrete in her garage to bury the body – and then had crazy sex in said garage to celebrate.
Alison would bring a healthy dose of competency to How To Get Away With Murder, a show where everyone is constantly on the verge of blowing everyone’s cover. (Though, watching Annalise pound vodka might tip her off her own wagon and back into rehab.) Watching prim and proper Alison go toe to toe with the equally snooty Michaela would be deliciously good drama.
Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. / Cosima Niehaus
Cosima has spent so much time studying the bizarre science surrounding her own cloning – and the sickness she suffers from because of it – that the alien-infused science S.H.I.E.L.D. deals with would be just another day at the office to her.
Her passion for knowledge and her nerdy personality would vibe well with Fitz and Simmons. And if she was willing to share some of her weed, it would probably do both of their frantic, hyperactive personalities a great deal of good.
The Apprentice / Rachel Duncan
Now that Donald Trump has decided he should run the country instead of his business empire, he is stepping down from the reality show that made “You’re fired!” a pop cultural touchstone. He’s being replaced by former Governor of California, and Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
But we all know that the best choice for the job would be cold as ice career clone Rachel Duncan. Her level, posh tones would be ten times more menacing than those Trump or the Terminator, and her cyber eye would make prospective entrepreneurs quake in their loafers.
Gotham / Beth Childs
Another show that could benefit from some competency. The GCPD is one of the worst police departments ever to grace the small screen. The precinct has allowed criminals to walk in with ease on multiple occasions, whether it was the attack led by a baby-faced version of the Joker or crazy Barbara Kean luring the hapless Jim Gordon away to what was supposed to be his doom.
Beth is paranoid, and a bit crazy herself, but she is an excellent, inquisitive detective--especially when compared to the GCPD. Import her and her loyal partner Art into Gotham and they would clean that squalid city up.
The Walking Dead / Helena
Helena knows a thing or two about how to kill efficiently and without mercy. She also knows a thing or two about weird cults, gangs and just flat-out evil people – all of which The Walking Dead seems to have in abundance. Let’s be real: If Helena had been around, there is no way the Governor would have terrorized people for as long as he did.
And you know Helena would have a healthy appreciation for Michonne’s clever use of jawless pet walkers to keep others away – not to mention her skills with a samurai sword. These tough, somewhat damaged women are basically kismet seestras.
Keeping Up with the Kardashians / Krystal Goderitch
Between her curve-hugging wardrobe and her klassy name, Krystal would fit in well with the Kardashians. After dealing with the nefarious plots of Dyad and Brightborn, the paparazzi would seem like a lesser evil – after all, they only want photographs, not DNA samples.
Krystal’s earnestness and naivety would be a nice counterpoint to calculated Kris, and her lovable personality ensures that she would instantly be the most likeable character on the show. Not only that, her skills as a beautician would definitely be more appreciated by this image-conscious family than they are on Orphan Black.