The slammer -- the pokey -- the hoosegow.
No matter what you call the big house, it's jail, and we've seen a lot of TV celebrities come in contact with it at some time or another in their lives.
After all, they're human just like everyone else, and they make mistakes.
The difference between them and the rest of us is we can keep our dirty laundry in the hamper.
Celebrities might have privilege, but one thing they don't have is privacy.
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It's the price you pay for fame.
Another kind of price you pay is jail time for committing crimes.
There are lots of TV actors who didn't make the list because they didn't serve a second in jail. The rest? Well, they're here.
So, which ones spent time behind bars? Take a peek and see. And if we missed any, fill us in on the scoop.
Alright, alright, alright. We've got Matthew McConaughey here because, although he's best known on the big screen, he was on True Detective and has been in several TV commercials lately. He spent nine whole hours behind bars for resisting arrest. Don't resist, Matthew, just go with it.
Back when Tim Allen was just a struggling artist, he made some bad choices, as we all do. His drug trafficking landed him in jail, unable to pass go for over two years. But he turned his life around and landed on Home Improvement. You can find him now on Last Man Standing where all he's dealing is punchlines.
Charles S. Dutton
You've seen Charles S. Dutton on Law & Order: LA, Criminal Minds, The Good Wife, and American Horror Story Murder House. Catching a theme? Maybe that's because he spent 10 years in the slammer for manslaughter & possession of a deadly weapon. At least he's making good use of what he learned. Right?
You probably recognize Danny Trego from the big screen, like Spy Kids and Machete, but he's been appearing on Sling TV commercials, which landed him here on this TV actors list. What landed him in the pokey was drug abuse and armed robbery for 11 long years.
Paris Hilton from The Simple Life looks fab in this court picture -- straight out of some courtroom drama. She spent five days in jail for failure to enroll in court-ordered rehab. Come on, Paris, just put a reminder in your smartphone next time, and you're set!
Paris' buddy from The Simple Life, Nicole Richie spent a whopping 82 minutes in the slammer for a DUI. Geez, that's not even enough time to sober up! Just ask Mayberry's Otis Campbell, he'll tell ya'.
Martha Stewart took a short five-month break cooking in her kitchen to pay off her debts to society. Her laundry list of charges included insider trading, conspiracy, obstruction of justice, and making false statements. Well, Martha, one thing's for sure, that certainly is living.
Michelle Rodriguez was arrested for a DUI, but that's not why she ended up behind bars. The judge ordered she do community service for her crime, but she didn't complete it and violated her parole. Let's give her a break, though, maybe she got LOST.
Robert Downey Jr.
Robert Downey Jr. is best known recently for his role as Ironman, but back in the day he was on Ally McBeal. He was on probation for another charge when he missed a drug test and they locked him up and threw away the key for a whole year. You could say he was behind iron, man.
Mike Tyson went from Heavyweight Champion of the world to convicted domestic abuser and later spending another stint for DUI. Lately, he's gotten himself together with work in television.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
We all remember when sassy Zsa Zsa slapped that cop, don't we? Well, she spent three days in jail because of it and the open alcohol container in her car. We hope they gave her the courtesy of letting her keep her boa. Can you picture it?
Mark Wahlberg has been all over the map with his artistry. His latest being his role on Entourage. But Marky Mark must've been hanging out with a funky bunch because he spent 45 days downtown for attempted murder and assault. Wonder what Danny Regan thought of that slap on the wrist.
You might remember Richard Hatch as the winner of the very first Survivor. You know, the one who just loved being naked? He learned the hard way that you have to pay Uncle Sam -- even on your winnings. He spent three long years in the big house for that mistake. Woops.
Rip Torn from 30 Rock and Law & Order: Criminal Intent was going home drunk one night. He entered what he thought was home and ended up in jail for four days. Why? Because that wasn't his house, it was a bank. By the way, he was carrying a gun. Someone offer the man a coffee.
Mr. Robot's Christian Slater has had some tangles with the law over the years, but this time he ended up in jail for 59 days for assault. We hope he's learned from this stint about how to keep his hands to himself.
Nicole Polizzi - a.k.a. Snooki
Is anyone here surprised about Nicole Polizzi's time in the pokey? If you are, we know her charges won't be a shock. She spent a few hours inside for disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct, and criminal annoyance of others. Snooki annoying? Stop it.
Chase Crawford from Gossip Girl served hard time in the pen, uh, for a few hours. He was convicted of possession of marijuana. What? Is that still even a thing? He's probably asking himself that exact question.
Amanda Bynes, who starred in TV movies like Canned and Living Proof, was arrested for a DUI. She spent one night in jail, which is really unbecoming of Taffy from Rugrats. And, girl, that hair -- take a look at Paris' courtroom photo and see how it's done.
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino from Jersey Shore indeed has himself a situation. He cheated on his taxes, and as a reward, he received the prize of an eight-month sentence to Club Fed. He won't be goin' down the shore anytime soon. Nobody messes with Uncle Sam.
In 2008, Mr. Snipes got convicted of three misdemeanor counts of failing to file tax returns. After receiving a sentence of three years, he reported to the McKean Federal Correctional Institution, a medium-security prison in Pennsylvania, on December 9, 2010.
Alexis Neiers from Pretty Wild is, as it turns out pretty wild. She spent a month in prison for burglary. Burglary, of all things. Who did she burgle, you ask? Why none other than Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Way to keep it on the down-low, Alexis.
Lindsay Lohan spent 14 days in the big house on alcohol and drug-related charges. While she was there, she apparently had a cell next to Alexis Neiers who was doing time for ripping her off. Oh, to be a fly on the wall.
Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson
The star got snagged and spent six months behind bars for possession of cocaine, crack, and a starter gun in 1994, long before he was someone with Power.
Apollo Nida, husband of attorney and The Real Housewives of Atlanta star Phaedra Parks, spent eight years behind bars for identity theft and theft. Hey, at least he doesn't have to pay for legal advice.
Heather Locklear is no stranger when it comes to the law. This Melrose Place star has been arrested for DUI, and most recently, domestic assault. The bombshell is obviously having some issues she needs to deal with to avoid any more trouble. Keep your nose clean.
Amber Portwood from Teen Mom spent hard time in the slammer for drug possession but was released four years early. Are they making prison orange stripes now or did she bring that from home? She just may have predicted her own fate.
Will Hayden from Sons of Guns is spending life plus 40 years in the clink for aggravated rape and rape. He's where he belongs for life. We assume his ghost will have to serve out the extra 40 years. Good.
Abby Lee Miller
Abby Lee Miller sure did love yelling at those little girls on Dance Moms, but maybe she should've spent a little more time on her finances. She spent one year in jail for bankruptcy fraud and bringing $120,000 worth of Australian dollars to the US without reporting it. Everyone -- check your foreign currency!
The Red Ranger from Power Rangers Wild Force did a six-year stint in the big house for voluntary manslaughter. Maybe Red Ranger forgot he's supposed to fight crime? He's supposed to be a hero. Read the script.
Janelle Evans from Teen Mom 2 spent time in jail for drug possession, fighting and violating parole. Yikes. You can't say she wasn't trying to get on the inside. She was arrested a total of 10 times. You'd think she would've learned her lesson at least around arrest number three. Is she trying to break a record? She has more mugshots than yearbook photos!
Brandon Jones from Pretty Little Liars, The Fosters, and The Big Bang Theory threatened his neighbor with a gun. Maybe he was confused about what Big Bang meant. Either way, he spent 180 days in the pokey for his crime.
Michael Jace, who played on The Shield, is serving 40 years of his life in prison. His crime? He killed his wife. All we have to say is you do the crime; you do the time.
So You Think You Can Dance, Joshua Allen? He might have won Season 4 on the show, but he spent a year behind bars for domestic abuse. He should go back to dancing; it's a much better use of all that energy.
Teresa Guidice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey left the finances to her man and paid the price. She spent 11 months in jail for bankruptcy fraud, but when she got out, she didn't miss a beat. She went right back to raising her girls, filming RHNJ, and competing in a fitness competition. She's lucky the judge let her and her husband stagger their sentences.
Teresa's husband Joe carried the weight of their bankruptcy sentences. He's still serving his 41-month sentence and Teresa's hoping absence makes the heart grow fonder. Hopefully he's learned a good financial lesson and maybe he'll get to stay in the country. If not, Teresa's likely to follow him straight to Italy.
Jeremy Lindholm played on Twin Peaks: The Return, but then he decided to chase his girlfriend with a baseball bat. Obviously, that was the wrong choice, and he's paying for it. He started his jail sentence in 2017 for attempted 2nd-degree murder, and it's unknown how long he'll be on the inside.