The Office

Last Thursday on The Office, Michael Scott lowered the productivity bar at work - who knew that was even possible - after giving his two-week notice to new V.P. Charles.

The results were hilarious. Below are some of the best quotes from "Two Weeks." Check them out, and be sure to browse our five-season library of The Office quotes!

Stanley: Can't you see I'm urinating?
Michael: Listen, Listen, Stanley. You don't have to answer me now.
Stanley: No.
Michael: Just... I want you to think about it, I'm starting my own company.
Stanley: No.
Michael: You're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars.
Stanley: No I didn't. | permalink

Andy: The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day.
Phyllis: Andy, he's gone.
Andy: I know.
Phyllis: You don't have to kiss his ass anymore. | permalink

Michael: Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer?
Jim: I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.
Michael: So which way are you leaning?
Jim: Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else.
Michael: Thanks Jim. | permalink

Michael: I had no idea when I got in that car and headed to New York I was going to quit. I got on that ramp and I thought two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Listen to some tunes. Should've peed before I left.
Kelly: Michael get to the good part.
Michael: Okay, so. I get up to the building, I get to the revolving door... broken! So I have to take the normal door.
Oscar: At least he is in the building.
Michael: No, No! I was so nervous it was the wrong building! I walked into the wrong building! | permalink

Michael: Pam, what you don't understand is that at my level you just don't look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted.
Jim: You called any headhunters?
Michael: Any good headhunter knows I am available. | permalink

Charles: For regional manager I've decided to go with an outside hire. For obvious reasons. | permalink

Dwight: My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious. | permalink

Oscar: And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone. | permalink