Early in the episode, Clark said "I just wish I could freeze this moment in time forever." Had he said that last week, or possibly at any other point this season, I might have agreed with him.
Never in the history of Smallville has an episode felt more like it belonged among the tweenybopper staples that make up the bulk of the CW schedule than "Fortune" did tonight.
With so much yet to wrap up before the series ends in May, why the writers felt the need to take this ridiculous detour into an awful subplot involving a night of mystical debauchery is completely beyond the realm of my capacity to fathom. To say I didn't like this episode is a gross understatement.
For a brief moment, I thought perhaps there was going to be some other explanation of the events, involving the heroes and their identities, perhaps, when Emil was being interrogated by thugs, but alas, it was a futile sense of hope I experienced.
What took the cake was putting Oliver Queen - the Green Freaking Arrow - in showgirl drag. I cannot believe they reduced the epic hero to…this. I'm so disgusted, I'm having difficulty even attempting to muster the wit to appropriately denigrate the situation. Just idiotic, ludicrous, not even worth my time to spend straining for a positive moment upon which to focus.
Before I start getting lambasted for my view here, I am a longtime fan of Smallville, of these characters and of Superman in general. In any other season, I might have tolerated an episode like this, but not when we have eight episodes left, have hardly scratched the Darkseid surface and still have the Alexander/Con-El situation to work out. I feel cheated and disrespected.
These characters and actors are far better than this preposterous mess, and I'm ashamed they were treated with such pitiful disdain. To make matters worse, this is the note on which they choose to send Chloe out. Heartbreaking, and not in the appropriate and expected way.
Even trying to slip in a sweet Clark and Lois moment near the end cannot salvage the train wreck. The only thing garnering it even ONE star from me, is the fact that it is now over.
Kinda wish I had my own Zatanna-charmed bottle of champagne at the moment so that I could wake up in the morning with no recollection of this disaster.
Jeffrey Kirkpatrick is a TV Fanatic Staff Writer. Follow him on Twitter.