I've never watched Shore, but maybe if the actual show was as warped as what Dennis, Dee, Mac, Charlie and Frank experienced in "The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore," it would be worth checking out.

Poor Dennis and Dee. They learned the hard way that you can't go home again. And that the Bo Derek look is passe.

Getting nearly scalped and puking in slo-mo all while plummeting down 20 stories was just the start of their good times.

Not only did a stray dog (that just happened to be in the ER!) take off with Dee's ripped out braid, but then they both got busted concocting some story about the skanky chick sitting in front of him. Of course, that led to an invitation Dennis and Dee just couldn't turn down... which led to the twisted night of horror that could only happen to those two.

Smoking angel dust. A guy getting shot in the gut. The doctor getting shot in the head. Bobby shooting at Dennis and Dee on the beach as they ran off in a wild panic. Like dominoes falling fast and furiously, Dennis and Dee's night in their beloved Shore went straight into the crapper.

Just when I thought the envelope had been pushed way over the line, another scene would pop up that would make me gasp out loud. Two bare-assed homeless guys banging under the boardwalk? How did that even get past the censors?!?

Sunblock-drunk Charlie had never seen the ocean, much less what happens under a boardwalk, but he knew THAT wasn't it.

I didn't expect to see the waitress so early in the season so her just happening to be strolling on the beach surprised me as much as it did Charlie. And it shocked me that she was so la-di-dah, lovey-dovey towards him as well. Was it just me or did she look pregnant? Was this some curveball? Had she realized the error of her ways and finally seen that Charlie was a really good guy. Um... no. It was just some really good E.

And supersize me some Fat Mac because I'm lovin' it. I thought him "sunbathing" on a toxic beach packed with roaming stray dogs and discarded syringes was hysterical. He never looked fatter than when he was adrift in that dingy with Frank after both overdosing on 90% proof rum ham.

But to see him getting a spray tan, getting shot up with steroids, fist-pumping and acting like a long lost guido was classic. I don't know which I liked better: Mac as the "Nightman" or Fat Mac as a juicy Jersey guinea.

The Go-Go's were right. That vacation was all I ever wanted. And I couldn't stop laughing. Get an extra Sunny fix with these It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes now!