Gossip Girl Review: Blair's Royal Nightmare

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Duplicity was the word of the hour on tonight's Gossip Girl, an uneven installment at times, but one which nevertheless contained some new twists and potentially major teases for the coming weeks.

On the heels of last week's "Memoirs of an Invisible Dan," one of the better episodes in recent memory, "The Fasting and the Furious" didn't quite find its footing until the end due to various plot holes.

Why would one story on Gossip Girl derail the Spectator, run by so-called mogul Diana? How was everybody at the Waldorfs so conveniently? How did Diana and Beatrice's convoluted plot work flawlessly?

It feels silly to nitpick, because it's Gossip Girl and we love it regardless, knowing that some suspension of reality is necessary. But when the stretches become numerous, it detracts from the experience.

All that said, there were some emotional scenes and events that will keep us guessing for the next two weeks (the show takes a week off before returning with "I Am Number Nine" November 7), namely:

The Parents To Be

Louis has the envelope. Blair and Louis began the episode with a joint announcement to their families, who reacted as one might expect, with both joy and trepidation. Then it devolved into a giant mess.

The Grimaldis insisted that B reside in Monaco. The Waldorfs have other ideas. This kind of tension, albeit on a smaller scale, plagues many couples. But the way the conflict was resolved was ridiculous.

First of all, the Yom Kippur feast uniting the characters midway through the night felt very thrown together. Second, it needed more Wallace Shawn, even if we can be grateful to see Cyrus at all.

Beatrice sure concocts roundabout ways of undermining her brother, with Diana's involvement even harder to believe. But that's all very secondary right now considering LOUIS HAS THE ENVELOPE.

If he opened it and learned that Blair's baby was indeed his, he wouldn't have picked up the phone, right? I'd have to guess not, but perhaps he would still be irate that she even had such a test done.

Either way, we'll have to wait and see how a certain psychologist fits into this.

Side note: How special was the scene between Blair and Eleanor? If that's any indication of how wonderful these strong Waldorf women can be, Blair has a great role model in the parenting department.

Someday in about half a year. Blair Waldorf is going to be a mother. That knowledge hasn't had a chance to sink in yet, but when she told her mom and Cyrus, it became very real - for better or worse.

I find myself increasingly concerned for Blair, because as much as she's to blame for her own problems, I feel she legitimately tries to do the right thing. But her decisions may come back to haunt her.

How will Louis react if he learns the baby his not his? What if his family - or Diana - finds out and leaks the story? Or even just reports that there was even a test? Blair will be crushed, one way or another.

Expect her to land on her feet eventually, though. She's a Waldorf, after all.

Despite the unplanned nature of the pregnancy, Blair is going to be an amazing mom. The question is who will raise it with her, which brings us back to Louis, Eliza Barnes, and our next subject ...

Nice Suit Chuck

Chuck needs help. After meeting Dr. Barnes, one and the same, at the dog park with Monkey (and briefly Dan, in another classic too-brief scene at the beginning), Chuck realizes he is a lost soul.

She shot him down and dressed him down hard, and you have to like that the show's writers are introducing a believable instrument of change for Chuck. Getting him ready to be a father, perhaps?

Sure, no doctor would psychoanalyze someone like that on the street, and the idea that this woman is also connected to Louis seems far-fetched. But for Mr. Bass, this was a long time coming.

If we assume Chuck got Blair pregnant - and tonight's events seemed to hint at that, indirectly - will they find their happily ever after? How will they get to that point? Chuck needs to fix himself.

His late night phone call was the first step, although clearly Louis isn't going away quietly. What does he know, and will Chuck get the help he needs before his downward spiral ends catastrophically?

The return of Derena? That certainly came out of nowhere, didn't it? Just a week ago, Dan was pining for Blair as hard as we'd ever seen it. Now, he may be back in Serena's arms before long.

"You were the love of my life. I thought I was yours too." Gossip Girl would certainly come full circle if this storybook romance were rekindled, and if Serena has her say, it might happen. Soon.

Can you ever recall Serena van der Woodsen being more sure of what she wants, even if admitting it scared her and made her so vulnerable? Her apology to Blair was heartfelt and harsh - to herself.

She was jealous of Blair, not for reasons, but because Dan's feelings for her were so profound. Seeing that Blair and Dan aren't on speaking terms, and he and Serena will be working together ...

Just saying. That door was reopened tonight. Whether Derena ever becomes a full-fledged couple again remains to be seen, but she's back on Team Humphrey, and not just for the movie rights.

Which she got by pulling a ballsy move, it's worth noting. Falsely telling a movie news site that her boss had the option? Shady, but bold. Who said S never worked hard or put herself out there?

Do you think this officially marks the beginning of a new, romantic chapter between Dan and Serena - and the end of any hope Dan and Blair had of a romantic future? Or do more twists lie ahead?

Diana Bends Over

What is Diana hiding?! Honestly, I was starting to get bored with Diana until her last-second shadiness with Bart Bass' files, but now the stakes are higher again. Who is she and what does she know?

For a woman who relentlessly hunts down scandals, she sure looked like she wanted to hide one at the end. Ms. Payne clearly knows more than she's letting on about Bart ... possibly Chuck, who knows.

That I did not see coming. She blackmailed Ivy into getting her some UES gossip, which Ivy in turned manipulated Nate to get, but which Diana led to her believe was useless, only it apparently wasn't.

What did she set fire to, and what is her endgame in all of this? If she's motivated by something other than taking down Gossip Girl and making the Spectator a force ... that would make more sense.

It's been hard to buy Diana's storyline, but perhaps that's because there's more to it than we know. Does anyone get the feeling that when this hits the fan, whatever it may be, it's going to be epic?

That's all for now. Hit the comments and tell us what you thought of tonight and what you think/hope will happen next! Then come back tomorrow for news, promos and our Round Table! And vote ...

Who makes the better couple on Gossip Girl?


Editor Rating: 3.5 / 5.0
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Rating: 2.9 / 5.0 (311 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


This episode could use some Chuck and Blair interaction.. why waste so much time on royals? Chuck and Blair interaction is needed asap. Dan and Serena were awesome. Ä°t made me realise why I love them so much. They are good fro eachother.


Diana is blatently Chuck's mother. Why else would the combination of the safe be her date of birth in that episode? Now all that has to happen is Nate happens upon Diana's DoB and recognises it....


One of my arguments for DAIR is that it fits the archetype of the starcrossed and poor boy/rich girl dynamic: they are mutually beneficial to each other. I think CHAIR, unfortunately, will be stuck in the unhealthy, disturbing and sick Lady Gaga-esque archetypes. Nothing good has come from their relationships. It is a high school romance pretending at greatness (soulmates/family) and stuck in lust/dark social mores. The constuct is not good for the show and it's not a good message to send. That said, the writers do batshit crazy things sometimes (read: Juliet, Jenny, Vanessa) so who knows. They might totally screw up the last season(s). One of best arguments for DAIR is that Blair is acting the same way she was when she was starting to fall for Chuck, that is, she is stuck in DENIAL. She has NOT read the entire book, which I believe will be the catalyst for the kiss that ends all kisses. She is denying everything exactly the way she denied her feelings in season one and two. When something makes her vulnerable/uncomfortable, she pretends it doesn't exist. And for all the CHAIR fans, I don't hate Chuck. I am rather fond of the character. I am sick of the tired tragedy story and the sexism bullshit he is spewing each season. I was so happy to see him go to a therapist but SO tired of the same old "I've never had sex in a therapist's office" line (Monkey sniffing the dog's but was clearly foreshadowing). Seeing Dr. Barnes wipe the smug grin off of his face was worth it and I hope he becomes a healthy, happy character and stops acting like a child. Lest ye forget, he felt Eva was his soulmate too at one point. I just hope he and Blair can remain friends and confidants as their romance is sadly uninspired.


Louis was reading Gossip Girl on Blairs computer when she came into the room. The blast was about Chuck talking to the shrink, right? Wasn´t that why L called her up. Why he appared to have her on speed-dial I don´t know though.


About the Kiss to End All the Kisses, Ausiello said that Blair is at the receiving end of it... :D


Can we please do something with Nate? I am sick of his character getting awful story lines. He seems like he is just spinning his wheels. At this point Nate could get a spin-off show, even the Juliette story line was bogus. Stop filling screen time with Louis and Ivy and give Nate something to work with.


This episode overall left me very confused and anxious to see what is to come next.
First off, even I found it annoying for Charlie’s sake that she had to try and get rid of Rufrus and Lily. Those two are seriously only good for getting in the way of other character’s storyline. That is so sad.
For some reason I like that Nate and Charlie are starting off as friends and it will clearly take more than 2 episodes before they hook up. That has always been the problem with Nate, so its nice to see part of him changing is becoming less of a whore. That doesn’t mean Charlie has won me over or that I want her to be here til the end.
So I never understood why Serena lied about the copy-write for the book if in the end, her boss is mad at her now. Serena really has been downgraded to second best compared to Blair now. Shouldn’t be a surprise, that’s bound to happen if we compare their acting skills to each other. I did thought her acting when she said Dan is the love of her life, was very good. Her emotions were real.
One of the thing I find to be the most hard-to-believed about this episode, is Dan’s novel. I find it hard to believe all this fame would actually happen to him in such a short period of time. I find it hard to believe that there are quite a few amounts of people who would have read the whole thing, including Serena. I especially find it hard to believe that Blair is portrayed as the live of his life, according to Serena. First off, if the writers are trying to make this into some sort of epic love triangle between Dan/Serena/Blair it will now work because Dan and Serena have so much history and we have witnessed their love for each other to be very strong. They were together for high school and part of college. Then we have Blair and Dan who have never been a couple and have only gone as far as one kiss. Therefore, if Blair and Dan do get together, it will only come off as desperate and predicable because they are the last two, yet unrealistic.
Getting back to the love triangle, to compare Dair to Darena is like comparing Vanessa and Chuck to Chair. Dair simply did not have enough time blossoms I guessed. And this whole thing with the novel reminds me of One Tree Hill when Lucas published his novel. Now one major difference is in that show, there was one epic love triangle; Lucas/Peyton/Brooke. Lucas has history with both thus, helped made it epic. This thing between Dan, Serena and Blair cannot compete with that. Therefore, I strongly advised the writers to cut out any further hints of a Dair hook up because it will be a mistake. Considering the whole thing with the wedding and the baby, the show will never get around for these two on time. And considering that this may be out last season, and considering we all want Chair to be the endgame couple, I say stop Dair now. Dan and Serena can end up with each other at the end. At least with Serena, Dan won’t be second best. With Blair he will always be.
Now I am starting to get annoyed with this whole thing with Chuck not being able to feel. He hasn’t been part of any major storyline from week to week. He needs to be more centered. I really hope that that lady will not be his new love interest. The last thing we all needs another reason to keep Chair apart. I am worried about what he said in the message. Apparently they have history I guess. I hope nothing develops from this. I did think that it was good to see someone finally put Chuck in his place. I love him and everything, he’s my favorite male character and all, but I did not forget all the awful things he did to Blair.
To me Blair did not seem like herself at all in this episode. First, Serena blew off a lunch date with her and that was enough to make her want to move to Monaco? I find that hard to believe. Blair didn’t have a lot to say in this episode. Even when Cyrus was reading over the terms of the papers, she was mostly just upset about it, rather than becoming a bitch. Louis was more of a bitch than her. But seriously, does anyone not care that she’s pregnant but are wearing super long heels?
This episode had many parts that left me confused because it was not performed out very well or it was just complete nonsense. But the cliffhangers it left were very interesting; Chuck’s connection to that Lady, Louis’ connection to her too apparently, Diana’s past with Bart, Louis finding the envelope, etc.
I voted for Dan and Serena above because I rather these two end up togeter than see Blair and Dan get together. I am so over Dair. Chair all the way.


...another possible way for Chuck to "redeem" himself, as mentioned in the article could be - Blair has a miscarriage (not that I want that at all no way but just thinking mediocre like the GG writers usually do) and somehow Louis triggered it and Chuck is the one who supports her...but I think the - make Louis a bad, bad guy doing bad, bad things (especially to Chuck), and Blair getting to know this and getting back to Chuck all forgiven - is the way GG will go...


noo no serena and dan i used to love them in season one but i think after like 45 break ups and get back togethers they should be done! SERENA AND NATE FOREVER!!!!


Been with GG from the start but this episode still had me gritting my teeth...grrr...I know we have to suspend reality and believe in the improbable on GG but seriously...can't they credit their audience with some sense!?! It always cracks me up how just one call can make a world of difference - Serena calls up Harvey W's people and suddenly they call off the deal with Dan's agent! I mean couldn't they call back and check with Dan's agent if this news was really true, or why they changed their mind, or try and negotiate so they can get back the deal of this masterpiece of a book - things that agents in real life would try and do - but nope here they just go by that one call and make huge decisions. In another site someone had mentioned that the episode preview shown in Canada showed Louis asking the therapist to get Chuck back to his past misdeeds, misbehavior...can see where this is going folks? Louis does that, Blair find outs, gets mad at Louis, sees Chuck in a brand new light and goes back to him! The writers don't have the balls to make the far more likely in real life mature love story of Dair happen - so I am already bored with this. Yes, from day 1 we've known Chair is end game and given the cookie cutter, predictability of GG I shouldn't have hoped otherwise...but there was a part of me that hoped GG writers would rise above themselves and give us Dair...:(

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Gossip Girl Season 5 Episode 5 Quotes

Blair: I hope they take it well. Nothing matters more than our child being born into a big happy family.
Louis: Are you ready?

On the Upper East Side, it's not what you say that determines who you are. It's what you do.

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