Gossip Girl Review: Rhodes to Nowhere

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For a fleeting moment tonight, it looked like after six months of raspy-voiced lies, ulterior motives, convoluted story lines and plot twists, Ivy's deception would finally reach critical mass on Gossip Girl.

Not the case.

Instead of being exposed for the WT wannabe impostor she is, Charlie/Ivy (known to some TV Fanatic staffers as Chivy) somehow slithered out of her biggest jam yet, and came out smelling like roses. Ugh.

It's never a good sign when you find yourself cracking a smile at a scene meant to be deathly serious, but that's where I found myself as she defended herself against Max's "lies" with Carol's help.

I could spend hours ranting about the screen time Chivy takes up with relatively little advancement of the storyline, and surely some of you will in the comments. So I'll try to focus on the positives:

Cece and Charlie

"Rhodes to Perdition" is the night she became a Rhodes, because all the poor girl wants is a family. Sucks that she got paid to act like a member of this dysfunctional crew, but they're better than nothing.

It's hard not to feel a little bad for Chivy after what Max revealed, and so callously at that. Sure, she's a manipulative liar leading a double life and probably guilty of fraud, but she just wants to be loved!

If nothing else, all this set up the vengeance of Max, who is now infuriated and off the rails. Surely he'll be coming after Chivy again, no matter how "untouchable" she feels she is with her new surname.

No last name stops a bus from running you over, Chives. Just saying.

More significantly, there's a mystery surrounding the real Charlie Rhodes, and apparently Carol wants to keep that under wraps. So look for that character to be cast sometime this spring most likely.

All in all, not a great use of the episode's primary storyline, even if the Studio 54 theme did lead to the return of Serena's cleavage after an absence of several weeks. There's always a silver lining, right?

What also stood out about "Rhodes to Perdition", besides the fact that the bulk of the past hour was spent building up to a major confrontation that fizzled out, were the distinct B, C and D storylines.

I actually didn't mean the characters' initials, but if you read it that way, there was an N story too, and an intriguing one, as ol' Man Bangs slicked back his hair and rolled up his sleeves as Editor-in-Chief.

Whether you'd call him naive or virtuous, or something in between, Nate is a man who stays true to his convictions. He never tipped off Gossip Girl and he wouldn't bite at the first hint of a big scandal.

He has no interest in running a celebrity gossip site (his loss). Salacious stories are all well and good, as long as they're legit. Give the newly-appointed honcho credit for not being played by Trip's wife.

Unless he still is, and doesn't even know the extent of it yet.

Was the Grandfather behind it as part of his plan to rebuild Nate's reputation? What will become of the cheating scandal that wasn't? Will Maureen still try to plant the story elsewhere? This can't be over.

Regardless of what lies ahead, it was fun to see Nate at the helm and handling his role with aplomb. If only he didn't have to balance classes at Columbia with this job! Oh, wait, Gossip Girl dropped that.

A Lovely Lady in Red

While Nathaniel was digging for answers at the Spectator, Blair was doing some searching of her own. Convinced that Chuck held the key to turning Louis around, she accompanied her ex to therapy.

That led to easily the most noteworthy exchange of the entire night, as a depressed B openly wondered if she was in fact the reason Chuck - and now Louis - plunged into seemingly eternal darkness.

Chuck insists she wasn't, and he's correct. His self-destructive tendencies were caused by a fear of losing her, and only he is to blame. But their connection is one that clearly provokes intense passion.

[SIDE NOTE: What the heck happened after the closing scene last week? That was shaping up to be a pretty major Chair moment, no? Then it's just completely forgotten about ... major pet peeve.]

Together, Chair can be very combustible. We've seen them at their best and, individually, at moments they would rather forget. Now the question is whether by letting her go, Chuck lost her for good.

I'm betting not. With Louis out of the picture for two episodes and the (former?) Basshole's stock rising by the hour, there's no way she's marrying the prince. The Chuck-Blair tension will soon boil over.

Just pray that the playoff is worth it ... and don't ask me where Dan fits in.

Don't expect Humphrey to let his feelings for her go easily, based on what's been teased so far. Think there's any chance she'll reciprocate his feelings, or will she spurn him in favor of her dark knight?

One person who's been down on Dan in a different way turned out to be his agent, Alessandra, although she was only trying to help his book by generating social media buzz under a nom de plume.

This was pretty much filler, although I like that the show hasn't simply abandoned Dan's writing aspirations like they have other things ... such as the fact that the characters were in college once.

Maybe Rufus' words and Alessandra's clandestine mission will give Dan the gumption to go after what he wants in life, and I don't mean literary success. Well, I don't mean only literary success.

I'm talking about Blair, people. Don't count Humphrey out yet.

Also, give the show credit for creating a real ihatehumphrey Twitter account (and HumphreyLove ... although I don't expect Katy Perry will be re-Tweeting either to her 12,505,321 followers tonight).

Kind of a slow episode overall, but not altogether bad, and hopefully, next week will make up for it. From the looks of the promos for "Riding in Town Cars With Boys," 2011 will go out with a bang.

One that may hint at the fate of Blair's baby ...

What did you think of this week's Gossip Girl? Looking ahead to next week, will Dan and/or Chuck confess their feelings for Blair? Will she call off the wedding? Comment below!


Editor Rating: 3.4 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 3.2 / 5.0 (325 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


I quite enjoyed this episode. But I really enjoy GG so its no surprise lols But anyway, I REALLY hope Chivy is exposed. I bet that Max will research the real Charlie and expose it that way. Because Chivy is quite annoying, her voice is really annoying and weird... and I just dont really like her. She is a fraud and a liar ~ though Carol is no better.
But also, just because I want to know what happened to the real Charlie Rhodes... because its quite like OMG what could the mother have done. My thought was either institutionalized with the whole restraints business because she is suppose to be "crazy" or... i dont know what else it could be... With RE: the Chair thing... I don't want them to get back together. Its so DONE and DUSTED and the two seem happy with out eachother. Together they just seem super immature and skeevy
But saying that, I DO NOT want a Dair either. I mean, yeah they work quite well together, but I like them as besties. They make cute friends and as a couple I dont think it would work very well. Also, with the car crash... and the hospital... I think the hospital is more to do with Cece, as it was Serena and Lily who were hugging and Lily looking more upset, so I doubt it was to do with Blair and Chuck...
I mean, there might be a crash involving Chair, but I dont think it will be as serious. and I hope she doesnt loose the baby!!! As for Serena. I am glad it isnt too much about her because gawd she is annoying. and Nate... well he is same as always, a manwhore and more of a minor character!


Chair chair chair Lets remember that in life people make mistakes and chuck has made plenty of them especially when it comes to Blair but does this mean he doesn't love her, or that he deserves a chance to redeem himself and prove he can be the one to make her happy. No course not, people make bad choices but it's up to them to make the decision to be a better person and that's what Chuck has done So let's give chuck a chance, as we know really Blair is never going to be truly happy with anyone else, they will always find a way back to each other. Chuck and Blair are not over long term so watch this space... Chair forever!!


I don't like Kaylee Defer's speaking voice! Her vocal problems are so severe. It seems she can hardly squeak her words out. Isn't anyone else concerned about this? Maybe some think it's sexy or appealing. I don't!!!


Oh...No!No!No! At the end of this episode i was once again optimistic... Loui is out of the picture, Chuck and Blair are getting closer and they are both starting to have doubts for their later decisions... i even liked the Ivy/ Charlie storyline and i actually wanted her to get off the hook! And then i watch the promos and it's like ''deja vu''! It's like 1996 again when Princess Diana died! But now we have Chuck and Blair riding the limo and i suspect that on those bikes following them are Nate's paparazzis from the Spectator!
Ok...I understand that Blair had to lose her baby somehow but why should it be done in a way that she'll blame her decision to reunite with Chuck?
Eeeh...Besides all this ranting may i just add that i kind of like the pairing Dan x Alessandra and i want Nate to hook up with GG and unite their projects:)


November 29th, 2011 11:34 PM
Forgot to say about the promos: Chair decides to run away in the limo, very thematic *rolls eyes* and then they crash. That's how they are, when they're together, they destroy each other. Very thematic as well. That's how she loses the baby btw. One of them is getting stuck in a coma (perhaps). If it's Chuck, he'll be reborn as a new man. *pukes* Maybe that's why she runs away from the wedding, Chuck wakes up.


I really wish they would fix the left door for Nate's office lol


chair was the best last episode. they belong together!
this season is becoming tense..... chuck and blair forever :)


I loved Serena getting mad at Charlie, she totally rocked that scene!!


chair! :) ahhh this made me so happyy


Forgot to say about the promos: Chair decides to run away in the limo, very thematic *rolls eyes* and then they crash. That's how they are, when they're together, they destroy each other. Very thematic as well. That's how she loses the baby btw. One of them is getting stuck in a coma (perhaps). If it's Chuck, he'll be reborn as a new man. *pukes*

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Gossip Girl Season 5 Episode 9 Quotes

Charlie: I've never seen so much lamé before. Grandma actually wore this?
Lily: Yes. And looked fabulous riding in on an elephant in it. Which is why the Studio 54 anniversary party is in her honor. And Bianca Jagger's, but we won't mention that to her when she arrives.

On the Upper East Side, staying alive isn't as easy as it appears. And after last week's security breach leading to no new tips, it looks like I might be dancing by myself.

Gossip Girl