"Alaheo Pau'ole:" Gone Forever.
Was this entire Hawaii Five-0 episode pieced together from spare parts of better episodes? There were so many disjointed pieces that I nearly got lost along the way. Given the non-sequitur nature of the hour, I’m just going to break down the main points.
Lori and Danny Handcuffed: Does anyone have any idea what point there was to this storyline? Furthermore, why did Steve feel the need to drop they key off the balcony? It all felt totally out of place.
We have not seen any indication that Lori and Danny would be romantically linked. What the heck is the “Jersey Slip” and why do you need to be handcuffed to another person for it to work? Finally, what type of horrible police officer is Danny that his handcuff key is not on a key ring of any sort... and he only has one in his possession? While I know some might fault Lori for not having her keys, she didn't bring her handcuffs, remember. They were Danny's.
Vincent Fryer, Chief of Detectives: I will take back every bad thing I said about Fryer as the head of Internal Affairs if they will just send him back! Watching Tom Sizemore violate the Miranda Rights of suspects with his “tough as nails abusive cop” overacting caused me physical pain. I now know how many of you anti-Lori fans must feel. It took all my will power not to throw something at the TV when he would spew dialog such as I have a badge that says I can do what ever I want. Makes me want to hurl just remembering it.
Then, just in case we need a reason for Fryer to be in the episode, we learn he 's gotten promoted to Chief of Detectives. Huh? what’s the Frak is “Chief of Detectives?” And regardless of what Fryer said, the head of an entire division of police would not be out busting down doors.
Joe White and Steve at Odds: I really don’t care who Shelburn is anymore. I’m so tired of the ring-around-the-rosy conversations that Steve and Joe are having about it. The story barely moves forward. If Steve really wanted to know what Joe was up to, he would have had Kono or Lori pull his cell phone records to see who he has been talking to and the facts would come flooding out.
Then, you had Joe's last line of the episode: I was hoping you wouldn’t say that. It made one of my eyes twitch. Joe have you met Steve? He left his partner wearing handcuffs during a formalwear fitting; did you really think he was just going to drop the whole thing?
Man Shot But Alive: I will commend the twist and turns this case took. As a whole, it was a decent concept for an investigation. However, as mentioned above, it would have been a better story without Sizemore’s Fryer tainting the scenery. It would have also been nice to see the wife walk in on the husband fresh from his coma, as having Kono and Steve telling the woman that her son was really dead as the lead in for Chin-Ho’s wedding was odd to say the least.
Chin-Ho and Malia Got Married: That does lead us to the wedding. Ho'omaika'i (congratulations) to you both! I wish we had gotten more than four minutes of the episode dedicated to Chin-Ho and Malia. We had about 90 seconds of the guys in the fitting room and about two minutes of wedding montage.
We're going to have to wait until 2012 to find out more about Shelburn and/or what happen to Hiro Yoshimura as Hawaii Five-O takes a break for the holidays.
Mr. Kurtzman, a great holiday gift for the fans would be to come back with an idea of what story you want to tell in an episode and go with it. You might also consider dialing back the ridiculousness as well. My eyes may hurt for months from all the rolling they did this week.
Jim G. is a TV Fanatic Staff Writer. Follow him on Twitter.