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The Closer Review: Nothing Jolly To See Here

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"You Have the Right to Remain Jolly" is the first time since I've been writing for TV Fanatic that the rating of 2 out of 5 stars didn't even phase me. This was unlike any episode of The Closer in all seven seasons, and a terrible waste of great talent.

100 Episodes Young!

Jolly possessed all of the pieces a truly comedic classic. Buzz had his sister in town and they visited The North Pole winter village for the arrival of Santa, just as they had done since they were kids. Buss was decked out in a holiday a sweater, embarrassing his sibling, who brought on the sarcasm at his excitement of the regression back to their childhood.

This year, Santa's big arrival was via zip line. Yep, Santa stood on top of the "north pole" and zipped his way into the crowd. Except the brakes failed and he ended up under a pile of chimney rubble, looking more like the Wicked Witch of the West with his boots sticking out than he did Saint Nick The good news? That was Santa RANDY killed by zip line. Santa JACK, guest star Fred Willard, was the real deal in his own wonderland, but decided not to make the zip trip himself.

The laughter really began when a drunk, chain smoking Santa Jack was taken in for questioning. After he threw up in a trash can and wiped his mouth with his beard, he blew his nose in it and tossed in the trash. Ho ho ho! Isn't that funny? Buzz's sister, Casey, was apparently wearing the scent of Christmas Goofballs because the entire squad was left drooling on their chins and standing, googly eyed, waving at her with one hand through the office windows.

We've seen Flynn and Provenza work their magic with the ladies before, and when they're on, it's hard to wipe the smile off your face. But not only were they transfixed, but Tao, Sanchez, Pope and more were agape at the lovely weather girl, Casey. Except not one second of it was funny.

Santa was disgusting, Casey was cute but the men's reaction to her was childlike and not in a "gee it's Christmas" kind of way. It was rather offensive. If The Closer wanted to make the most of this situation, I have no doubt we could have been on the edge of our seats with laughter. Instead, I was cringing.

Like many a Christmas movie before it, some big money hungry capitalist wanted to close down The North Pole to install a shopping mall. In the end, the pathetic loser of a Santa came into $2 million for the sale of his land. He got a happy ending and we got coal in our Christmas stocking.

Even the reappearance of Brenda's attorney, Gavin, wasn't enough to save The Closer from making the naughty list. Festively decorated throughout with broaches resembling wreathes and reindeer, he told Brenda he needed an additional $25,000 to keep him on retainer. He requested this after laying out evidence against her that made even Fritz cringe. When your own attorney points out that sending a suspect a bouquet of flowers every year on the anniversary of a death he may have been responsible for really won't look that great in a court of law, you know your have your work cut out for you.

Brenda batted her eyes at Pope and asked for help with the retainer. Acting like he was saving the day, he told Gavin that this would prove to be the biggest case of his career and make him THE go-to attorney for all other cases if he won. He should do it pro-bono. In the spirit of the season and because he likes Brenda, he acquiesced. But not before telling Brenda that Pope had nothing to do with the original retainer money, which came from Fritz from a family inheritance. She had no idea.

I expect there will be more Christmas theme ahead this month as the midseason run continues on The Closer, so I won't worry that this was our last chance at a series Christmas episode. When I think of how wonderful it was last year, "You Have the Right to be Jolly" is just insulting.

Here's hoping that next week brings us some holiday cheer that doesn't insult our intelligence, and a good memory to match them all stupendous Closer holiday episodes that came before this lump of coal.

Review

Editor Rating: 2.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 3.5 / 5.0 (81 Votes)

Carissa Pavlica is the managing editor and staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter and on Google+.

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The first (and hopefully last) time we changed the channel in the middle of an episode. Fred Willard can be hilarious but a little goes a long way, and this was a waste of everyone's talent. The writing, or lack thereof, was painful to hear. Was it me, or did the actors seem embarrassed to be part of this mess?

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Boring. It is time The Closer closed up shop and Brenda returns home. This whole season is a bust to include that swarmy lawyer investigating her. I can't watch anymore. It is simply painful.

Realdiehl

I've always wanted to suggest to someone to apply Occams's Razor to a mystery. Thank you, DAYNA for that chance. As RARPSLF pointed out, the most obvious answer is usually the correct one and that's Occam's Razor in a nutshell.

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Very silly episode. I'm just glad Brenda's ma & pa didn't make an appearance. I would have had to turn it off.

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I was least amused by Santa's groping. Completely undermined what I've enjoyed about the show, grown women in a man's world. That they played it as "cute" was a low point not just for The Closer but TV in general. Kept waiting for someone to deck him.

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The only real funny part was when Santa Jack made up excuses to touch Casey's and Brenda's breasts. We all saw the woman scream before Santa Randy even started down the zipline. I think the crowd was still counting down. As soon as Santa Jack started talking about his recent brushes with death, I knew. Santa Jack sold his village for 20 million, not 2 million. The way the men reacted to Casey was unrealistic. I didn't think that she was all that HOT. Attractive, but not hot. I'm glad that someone seems to be finally getting Brenda to realize how wrong her brand of "justice" has been.

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I didn't like this episode at all. I know The Closer likes to have a Santa-themed episode every year. These are not my favorites, but this one was no good at all. The only good part was that Brenda now knows that Fritz was the source behind the $25,000 and not Pope. I wonder if she'll start questioing other things he's done. (I think he's the leak.)

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I think they all should have been arrested for crimes against humanity. Fred Willard has never struck me as being funny and he continued his losing streak in this episode. I agree with so many of the other comments that it is not necessary to rehash them, but I would like to say that when the lawyer had laid out all Brenda's transgressions, it was evident that she needed to be reined in. I had lost all sympathy for her and can no longer call this investigation a witch hunt.
BTW, did I sleep through the revelation of the leak? I read in this comments that it was A.) Pope or B.) Provenza. Could some one clarify this for me?

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not much to brag about with this episode, except to say I am glad Gavin finally outed Pope where the retainer was concerned.

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Worst... Closer... Ever...
and Provenza is the leak (oops, late spoiler alert).

The Closer Season 7 Episode 12 Quotes

And, judging by the grumpy tone, you are Lt. Provenza!

Casey

So, according to the elves...I've been waiting to say that my entire life.

Provenza