Gossip Girl Review: World War Waldorf

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In the run-up to Gossip Girl's winter finale, we were teased with promises of tensions boiling over between Dan and Chuck, Blair escaping her prenup after all, and another major scandal rocking the Upper East Side.

"The Princess Dowry" delivered on all accounts ... in an episode that was one of the most convoluted in recent memory (even by Gossip Girl standards). Still, it gave us plenty to discuss between now and April 2.

Only Gossip Girl would have Blair attempt to get around a previously airtight prenup, only to be shot down by the royals, only to be helped out by minder Estee, only to have that blow up in her face, in under an hour.

Behind it all was Georgina, who decided she was retiring as GG, but only after she blew the lid off a mega-scandal, then found out about and used an even bigger scandal as potential leverage, again in under an hour.

Meanwhile, Cece's will was read at her wake ... by the executor of her estate, William. All of her assets were left to her fake granddaughter, Ivy, spurning the Rhodes sisters and prompting Carol to drop a bomb ... on William.

While Georgina sauntered by, obviously, at that precise moment.

It was enough to make your head spin, but here's the upshot:

Chuck, Dan and Georgina

- Chair is no more. One week is like an eternity on the Upper East Side these days, so who knows if that will change. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" seems pretty straightforward, however.

Chuck was not all bad tonight. He fell victim to Georgina's meddling and while it surely would've delighted him to take down Dan, he was also motivated by clearing his own name and protecting Blair.

The look on his face when he realized what he'd done to the Waldorfs financially said it all. He knew he screwed up big time, but it also wasn't his intent. Chuck's not perfect, but he's not a monster.

After Blair "broke up" with him, he immediately knew it even if they were never together and those words were never used. Her heart wasn't with him anymore. Yet he isn't all alone in this world.

Jack gave him the blood transfusion that saved his life, not Blair's pact with God. It's surprising he wasn't told about this earlier, and Jack's return to the show this spring should be very interesting.

- Dair it is. Despite Dan's misdeeds in sending the blast, he has her heart. Dair shared a passionate kiss, and according to the promo for the spring return (below), will soon share A LOT more.

Dan coming clean about sending the infamous blast, and his desire to keep Chuck and Blair apart - even if his hand was forced on both accounts - only served to strengthen Blair's connection to him.

Blair, like Chuck and Dan, is an imperfect character. She's made a lot of suspect decisions this season. Still, it was hard not to feel sympathy tonight when everyone seemed to have it out for her.

Everyone except Dan, who couldn't believe it when she arrived in the loft at the end. Dan (not Humphrey, but Dan) has won the heart of the girl he's longed for, who he never thought would reciprocate.

She's giving him THE look she once gave Chuck, and that kiss was hot, too. Certainly not of the fleeting "I want this but we can't do this" variety. These two are going to full-on maul each other.

Dair. Is. On.

The Princess Bride

- Blair's marriage is over, but the dowry still hangs over B, since she broke her word to her minder and was caught in a scandal 15 minutes after she cut a deal that make little sense to begin with.

This was easily the worst part of the episode. When the writing is this bad, and huge plot points are just undone haphazardly in a few lines of dialogue, it makes it hard to invest in ... well, anything.

I've always loved Georgina, but she was used and abused like a cheap plot device tonight, showing up in exactly the right place at exactly the wrong time to wreak loads of incomprehensible havoc.

Suspension of reality is par for the course while watching CW dramas, but this was way over the top. The plot holes were bigger than the hole smack in the front of her dress ... a classy touch.

There's just no way G could engineered all that. She's like Bonnie on The Vampire Diaries, only at least in Bon-Bon's case, she magically whips up spells. Yes, a witch is more believable than G.

Georgina's still more believable than that Estee chick, however. Seriously, what the heck.

- Anyway, Georgina is off to Monaco, with a promise to have B's dowry waived in exchange for a future "I owe you one" from Queen B, and the contents of her "G.G." laptop mailed off to Serena.

Will S read what's on that machine, and what will she do with it? Will she become the new GG? G-3, if you will? If so, she can only improve upon Phillip's performance. Talk about an epic fail!

- Lola is Serena's half-sister. Or so Carol claimed while demanding he figure out a way to reclaim the inheritance she believes she is entitled to) and the UES just got even more incestuous.

Nate has now hooked up with Serena, her stepsister (Jenny), her fake cousin (ChIvy) and her real cousin slash half-sister (Lola), and of course her BFF Blair. That's quite a feat, even for Nate.

Still, I like Nola together, and know at least one member of our Round Table panel who wouldn't mind seeing Chace Crawford's "I want to talk about feelings face," so I can't bash the guy here.

Serena's Dad is Back

- ChIvy has evicted Lily and Rufus. Geez, that nine-figure inheritance sure went to her head fast. Despite my frequent lampooning of the character, that was a twist that at least gave her some purpose ... and power.

Ballsy move to throw them out like that, Chives. Does she really stand a chance of keeping that money? Was she really Cece's innocent, well-meaning caretaker, or was there something sinister at work?

We were led to believe (mostly by ChIvy herself) that she was just staying with Cece out of the goodness of her heart, but everything she says is untrue by nature, so clearly there's more to this angle.

Between Carol's fake and actual daughters, the family drama ought to be ridiculous going forward. How far will William go to hide paternity? If at all? How will Lily react when that eventually comes out?

It's going to get ugly in any case. Not even Billy Baldwin's smooth-talking raspy voice (despite being an AWOL dad, he's almost charming!) can diffuse what's about to surface in this already fractured family.

Maybe Eric is better off in Zaire, considering the way things are going for the family right now. Even Serena is looking pretty despondent and lost at the moment. And she's the ultimate IT girl!

All in all, it was a pretty crazy episode, one which could've been a lot better, yet provided the requisite OMFG moments and set us up for a fun spring. Hopefully. What do you think will happen next?

Before we turn it over to your comments, as always, here's the Dair sex promo for April 2. It's okay, guys ... late night limo rides notwithstanding, the first time is never as good as you think it will be.

What did you think of this evening's Gossip Girl? Discuss below!

Review

Editor Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
  • 3.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.1 / 5.0 (1024 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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    @ Fredrika
    I noticed that Blair spoke in French with the law firm Cyrus, because the office is in Paris and the staff is French. As for Eric he will not return until the end of the season in the series because the actor who plays him is busy in a series that is filmed in LA, he is one of the main actors.

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    Why did Blair speak in french with Cyrus?! Did somebody else notice? Oh I just really hate this whole Dair-thing, cause a thing is just what it is, Chuck is so sweet that it just doesn't make sense with Blair ditching him. And am I the only one who miss Eric?

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    After those "eloquent" comments by @Strolling, its best we return to the business at hand. @Anonymous - Agreed. I'm feeling very little love from the writers. There were glimmers of it in that wonderful Chair apology, and even in the initial Dairish-ness at the beginning of the season, when we have that perfectly-executed "You'll always have me." on the couch. But aside from those moments, the show's been suspending belief FAR too much for the fans to feel any semblance of respect. I only have to cite Chuck Bass crying and kissing his DOG (and BTW, where is Monkey anyway?) as case in point. I don't recognize these characters at all. Only Georgie's been her good old self.

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    i see no point in watching gossip girl with dair in the picture, its not chair and its not right. i cant bare this bring back chair or ill probably never watch the show again :P

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    I do not know why a lot of talk that should now be the end of the series, the events in it have not been finalized, and if now would be the end nothing could be changed. As for the end of the series in 6 season most of us viewers will be very surprised. My opinion about it is that if one expects on a romantic end to a very deceptive, if you follow the storyline at the end of the show will not be romantic. Probably will happen to Chuck and Blair to be together but not married, Serena and Nate might be married and Dan and Vanessa. The Dan will realize that he made a mistake, and Serena to, but it will be too late, much like their parents. I hope that my prediction will not come true, and why I continue to watch the show.

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    I guess a lot of us are in agreement that we want the old Gossip Girl back? Like in 'Dynasty,' (not that old, but my 'rents talked about it) I think the show went downhill when royalty entered the picture. @Anonymous/Zoran - Oh, that explains it. Still, does he have to be that scruffy to pursue music? Adam Levine's either almost-skinhead or closely-cropped, and he rocks. :)) @Anonymous - Definitely would be interesting to see the Jack and Chuck storyline. Also: Diana. I highly doubt she's Chuck's mom though. Unless, of course, the writers once again throw us a stupidly contrived curveball, like the Charlie/Serena half-sister set-up. Hope the writers see some sense and start working to undo the damage they've done to Chair, and even, if you think about it, Dair--as I mentioned earlier, that pairing was so abruptly thrown at us (a lot quicker than Chair, if you think about it) that I'm beginning to suspect B's motives. Also, bad sex as a problem? REALLY???

    Rebecca413

    That last scene alone made this my favorite GG episode of all time. Dan and Blair brought me back to the show after two years away, and I couldn't be happier to see them together. They are simultaneously light-hearted and intense; playful and serious, and they bring comedy to an otherwise lifeless show. Crossing my fingers that Dair lasts!

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    This show should seriously end now. It cannot get any worse. Writers and producers are doing Season 6 just for their paychecks & commercials..and we are the idiots that they will string along watching this nonsense and poor quality show..what's the point ? Such a torture. I hope the talented actors can be released to do something better..This show does not deserve our 500+ passionate comments. I am a Chuck fan. I no longer find Chair endgame romantic... writers have totally destroyed the romance. And they are about to destroy Dair. Writers should build a better compelling story for Dair if they have the heart to do it... The show should END. NOW.

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    I WILL STOP LOOKING IF STUPID BLAIR DON'T GO BACK TO CHUCK!!!!!!!! I MEAN I DON'T HATE DAN BUT HE SHOULD BE WITH SERENA!! GOSSIP GIRL USED TO BE GOOD, I LOVED IT BUT NOW ITS BECOME A CIRCUS, ITS SICK!! CLOSE DOWN THE WHOLE THING, WHOLE GOSSIP GIRL IF THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE, CAUSE IT REALLY SUCKS!! THE WHOLE SHOW WAS ABOUT BLAIR AND CHUCK, FOR THEM TO BE TOGETHER AND SUDDENLY SHE IS WITH DAN?!?!
    OOOHHH I GET SO ANGRY!!! DOES ANYONE AGREE?

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    @ diane
    Diana certainly not Chucks mother, probably his sister or aunt. That she is the mother she would not have had sex with Nate in the same apartment where they live together Chuck and Nate. Probably Chucks sister, and Bart was a man of the old school and wanted a son to succeed him.