The Simpsons Quotes: What's Your Favorite?

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The Simpsons will air its 500th episode tomorrow night. No, that's not a misprint. 500.

In honor of this mind-boggling milestone, we're asking readers to submit their favorite lines from the show, and we know what you're thinking: Choose my favorite Simpsons quotes? That's unpossible!


But you can do it. Just take a swig of alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems! - and try your best. We'll start you off with a few selections now:

Lisa: It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Homer's Brain: What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're stupid.
Homer: Takes one to know one.
Homer's Brain: Swish! | permalink
Homer: There's a $10,000 bill in it for you.
Barney: Oh yeah? Which president's on it?
Homer: Uh, all of them. They're having a party. Jimmy Carter's passed out on the couch. | permalink
Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said. | permalink
Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving of some sort, heading in the direction know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless. | permalink
Troy McClure: Hello! I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as The Boatjacking of Supership 79 and Hydro: the Man With the Hydraulic Arms. | permalink
Homer: Well, these bills will have to paid out of your allowance.
Bart: You'd have to raise my allowance to about a $1000 a week.
Homer: Then that's what I'll do, smart guy. | permalink
Marge: I really think this is a bad idea.
Homer: Marge, I agree with you, in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory. | permalink
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Marge: "Homer, Homie? hhrrmmmm what hes typed will be a window into his madness"
Marge: "Feelin' fine"


*Homer talking to a waffle on the ceiling that he thinks is god* Homer: "god, if you really are god, youll get me tickets to that game!"
Doorbell rings, homer answers it.
Flanders: "Hi-dilly-ho-neighbor, wanna go to the game with me? i got two tickets!"
Homer slams the door and walks back to "the god waffle"
Homer: "why do you mock me oh lord?"
Marge: "Homer thats not god, thas just a waffle that bart tossed up there"
Marge wacks at it with a broom untill the waffle falls into homers hands
Homer: "i know i shouldnt eat the, but...
Homer stuffs waffle into his face
Homer: "Mmmmmm sacrilicious...." im 12 and people at my school know me as the obsessed simpson freak! and im proud to it!!! i saw my first episode when i was 1 and a half years old and i remember every second of it!!


*Homer is drowning in tar pit*
Marge: "Get a rope, Bar!"
Homer: "Nah that' okay im pretty sure i can struggle my way out, first ill just reach in and pull my legs out, now ill pull my arms out with my face. *Homer slowly drowns hilariously*


Ralph Wiggum: "They taste like burning..."


Marge: Homer, where did you get the money to buy all of these things?
Homer: Marge, I'm not going to lie to you. (Then Homer just walks away) Bart: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T! Homer: Save me Jebus! Bart: There is no such thing as a soul. It's just something they've made upt to scare children like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.


Simpsons 500th episode? About 250 too much.


Some religious ones: Homer: I've come to hate my own creation. Now, I know how God feels. Homer: I'm gonna die. Jesus, Allah, Buddha. I love you all! Homer: Save me, Jebus! Buddha (to God): They've suffered enough. (Episode: Pray Anything)


nelson: "lisa, the cops are chasing me! i need a place to hide." homer appears at the window: "lisa's window is the next one!"


skinner: "you think this stolen "H" is a laugh riot, don't you? well, i'll tell you something that's not so funny. right now, superintendent chalmers is at home crying like a little girl."
all students laugh.


lionel hutz: mr. simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, “the never ending story.�

The Simpsons Quotes

Lincoln, Lincoln. I've been thinkin'. What the hell have you've been drinkin'? Is it water? Is it wine? Oh, my gosh. It's turpentine!

Bart & Lisa

Lisa's Brain: Poor predictable Bart. Always takes 'rock'.
Bart's Brain: Good ol' 'rock'. Nuthin' beats that!
Bart: Rock!
Lisa: Paper.
Bart: D'oh!