If mommy's purse didn't belong in the microwave, why did it fit?

Ralph

Principal Skinner: You're not supposed to be able to get outside our network.
Nelson: You shouldn't have made your password, "password".
Principal Skinner: It was the name of the street I grew up on, Password Drive.

Willie: What's that?
Principal Skinner: We didn't want to leave you out of the digital revolution. Willie, meet your new supervisor.
Willie: I have to take orders from a machine?
Principal Skinner: Oh it can't speak, but should it ever learn, yes.

He's a hero all right, a hero sandwich full of bologna!

Ned

A TV star criticizing his writers, what has this world come to? Another bully for your collection boys.

Chief Wiggum

Homer: No no honey, I love everything you force me to do. And sometimes if you do all that, you get a very special night.
Bart: And what does that get you?
Homer: Hopefully not a you.

Bart, some of your biggest heroes are dancers. Krusty was on Dancing with the Stars until a panel of experts determined he wasn't a star.

Lisa

Milhouse: If it's the blue hair and the schnoz you're digging, I've got plenty more cousins.
Bart: Thanks Milhouse, I think I'm gonna steer clear of Van Houtens for awhile.
Milhouse: More for me, marrying a cousin worked out great for my parents.

Dad I apologize. I only say this at gunpoint, but it's true. I love you.

Homer

Abe: That's Mock Rickly, my old Air Force buddy.
Bart: You said you were in the Army.
Lisa: You said you were in the Navy.
Abe: That's the kind of mix up that used to happen when I was in the Marines.

Geez kids, guess you've had your last birthday. You're going to stay your current ages for the rest of your lives.

Marge

Homer: Isn't that sweet, six years ago they were fighting, now they're playing pool in a bar.
Moe: Father of the year, pal, father of the year.

The Simpsons Quotes

(Picking out a Tuxedo for Bart. He doesn't look pleased with his puffy shirt tuxedo.)
Bart: (frowning) Isn't this shirt kinda gay?
Clerk: Last time I checked, pirates weren't gay.
Homer: Eww, how'd you check?

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart