The Simpsons

At the risk of sounding like an old man, it's hard to believe that when The Simpsons first aired in 1990, I had to watch the show with my parents due to the adult nature of some of the jokes.  Obviously, when you compare seaosn oen of The Simpsons to any primetime cartoon today like Family Guy, South Park, or even current seasons of The Simpsons, it's a joke.

The show was much calmer back then, much less zany, but still had plenty of heart and jokes.  Now's your chance to relive some of the most classic episodes with the most complete collection of The Simpsons quotes from the premiere season.

In this post we've put together our favorites from the season, but be sure and browse through our entire collection of The Simpsons season one quotes to vote for your favorites!

Principal Skinner: The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol.
Homer: How many grades does this school have!? | permalink

Martin: Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort of simpleminded grudge against me. I was merely trying to fend off the desecration of the school building.
Bart: Eat my shorts. | permalink

Sherri: Hey, Bart, our dad says your dad is incompetent.
Bart: What does incompetent mean?
Terri: It means he spends more time yakking and scarfing down doughnuts than doing his job.
Bart: Oh, okay, I thought you were putting him down. | permalink

Homer: To save this family, we're going to have to make the supreme sacrifice.
Lisa: No, Dad. Please don't pawn the TV!
Bart: Aw, come on, Dad, anything but that!
Marge: Homer, couldn't we pawn my engagement ring instead?
Homer: Now, I appreciate that honey, but we need $150 here.
Pawn Shop Owner: Afternoon, Simpson. So, what can I do for ya?
Homer: Would you pay $150 for this lovely Motorola?
Pawn Shop Owner: Is it cable ready?
Homer: Ready as she'll ever be.
Pawn Shop Owner: Mister, you got yourself a deal. | permalink

Lisa: Why don't you go see Grampa?
Bart: What can he do?
Lisa: He'll give you good advice. He's the toughest Simpson alive.
Bart: He is?
Lisa: Yeah. Remember the fight he put up when we put him in the home? | permalink

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This week's episode of The Simpsons was a some what hyped episode in which Coldplay guest starred at the "Best. Character. Ever" contest winning-character made his debut?

So how did the two publicity stunts go?  Well, although Coldplay's appearance was completely random, it actually got a few laughs for its short screen time.  However, Peggy Black's winning entry of Ricardo Bomba just got spat on by The Simpsons writers as they sent him to a fiery car crash within second of introduction.  Poor form guys.

The main plot line of "Million Dollar Maybe" was a take on the generic sitcom device of husband has something he can't tell his wife about, and in this case it was Homer winning the lottery.  Luckily the storyline had enough heart and jokes in it to keep this recycled plotline fun.

Unfortunately, the second storyline of Lisa buying grandpa and his retirement home a Nintendo Wii, err Zii, fell flat.  Although it took some biting shots at retirement homes and its aides, it fell flat on the humor and any real satire.  Weak.

Overall, we would have ranked the episode much lower rating if it weren't for Police Chief Wiggum delivering one of the best lines about a speeding ticket.  You can always count on a Wiggum to save an episode.

You can read Wiggum's line and the rest of The Simpsons quotes from the episode after the jump.

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This week was the infamous 450th episode of The Simpsons that FOX has been pushing hard.  So how did the hyped episode that aired alongside a live action special, "The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3-D! On Ice!" fare?

Well, as compared to any other episode, "Once Upon a Time in Springfield," was a fantastic outing by The Simpsons.  The episode featured Anne Hathaway in a great performance (assuming that was her singing) as Princess Penelope, an appeal to female viewers forced on Krusty by television execs.

Penelope also served as a love interest to Krusty and the two even almsot got married by Krusty's father (Jackie Mason).  So far, so good, right?

Well, unforutnately Homer's adventure with Lenny and Carl served as a B story, while Bart and Lisa were merely supporting characters in Krusty's A Story.  Therefore, our main issue, is a 450th special episode should be about the Simpson family, not one of its supporting characters.

Granted, The Simpsons is known for its ridiculously fleshed out town of Springfield and the characters they've been able to develop over the previous 449 episodes, but any special should be based on the main, title characters.  Anyways, that's too much complaining for an episode that featured Krusty eating a gin sandwich.  Pure genius.

Now for our favorite of the The Simpsons quotes from the half hour had us laughing:

Lady Exec: These are your ratings with young girls.
Krusty: If my writers knew how to appeal to girls, they wouldn't be writers. | permalink

Gator McCall: You nuclear workers have no idea how valuable you are. Time's never been better for your industry now that all the protesters that marched in front of nuclear power plants are dying off from radiation poisoning. | permalink

Bart: Poor Krusty. He's become the lowest form of life, a sidekick.
Milhouse: You said it, Bart. Way to sum up the situation.
Bart: Take it easy, buddy.
Milhouse: That's exactly how I'll take it. | permalink

Homer: That is the most amazing doughnut I've ever tasted
Mr. Burns: Well, if you stay on with the Springfield nuclear plant, you could have one of these tasty beauties every day.
Lenny [about doughnut]: One of these every day might kill us.
Carl: Can we get a health plan to go with them?
Mr. Burns: Sure, you could have a health care or.... two donuts a day. | permalink

Homer: They took away our doughnuts at work! All I've had are my meals. | permalink

Maybe it's because of our love of Grandpa Simpson's rambling, heavily exaggerated stories, or they fact they remind us of our own grandfather, but we really liked this week's episode of The Simpsons, "Thursdays with Abie."

The episode focused on Grandpa, who finally found someone interested in his ramblings: a human interest journalist named Marshall. As Grandpa grew famous, the plot turned more sinister, with Homer having to step in to help save his father.

The strength of the story came from Grandpa's stories, and Homer's amazing attempt at one at the end involving a flower named Godzilla that went on to tour the nation as the Rolling Stones.  Homer's bonding with his father was very sweet as well.

Meanwhile, the B story focused on Bart being forced to go on an adventure with the class stuffed animal, Larry the Lamb.  While not as strong as Grandpa's storyline, Larry the Lamb led to some funny moments by some of our favorite supporting characters Chief Wiggum, Agnes, and Nelson.

Overall, we're going to give the episode a B for being heavy on the sweet, and a little light on the humor.  Now for some of our favorite Simpsons quotes from the episode:

Lisa: hief, my brother fell in the storm drain!
Clancy: I'm strictly an above the ground policeman, what you need is the sewer cops.
Lisa: Fine, what's the number?
Wiggum: Lisa, you're old enough now that I can tell you the truth. There's no such thing as sewer cops. It's just something we tell the kids to feel safe.
Lisa: What about Bart?
Wiggum: Well if you miss him, you can yell into a toilet. | permalink

Ralph: Clouds are God's sneezes. | permalink

Grandpa: That's how I got my idea for a suitcase with wheels: from a commercial for a suitcase with wheels. | permalink

Grandpa: Why don't we let Homer tell the story.
Homer: Really, me? You mean it?
Grandpa: I think you're ready for your first ramble.
Homer: I've been waiting for this day for so long. The year is 1946, and in a world torn, a single flower blooms and that flower is an angry Japanese monster named Godzilla. How am I doing dad?
Grandpa: I'm hanging on every word. | permalink

On this week's episode of The Simpsons, a power failure during a snow storm convinced Bart he wanted a baby brother.  Trust us, it made sense during the context of the episode. 

You can catch up on the events in our "O Brother, Where Bart Thou?" recap, including why Peyton, Eli and Cooper Manning all guest starred.

Overall, the episode was fairly entertaining with the plot and story line advancing quickly in Simpsons fashion.  Our only real complaint was the brother dream sequence dragged on a little too long without enough laughs.

Some fun notes from the episode:

• Sideshow Bob and his brother were back during the dream sequence!  Even without dialogue we were thrilled to just see Bob, one of our favorite characters.
• Homer's only advice to Bart about his body, "point and shoot" later saved his life.
• Barney was back as The Plow King!  Might we see a return of Mr. Plow would day?

Now for some of our favorite Simpsons quotes from the episode:

Marge: A branch must have knocked out the power lines.
Bart: That's fine, I'll see what's on TV.
Marge: That runs on electricity, also.
Bart: Alright, I'll watch a DVD, there's no way that runs on electricity.... Really, does Obama know about this? | permalink

Homer: Girls are easy. Girls love daddy. Girls make birthday cards with glitter on them. Girls can marry a hockey player and get me free tickets to hockey games. Girls don't steal my lines. And girls never ask me how their body works because i have no idea.
Bart: You never told me how my body works.
Homer: Point and shoot. | permalink

Jimbo: No matter how dead their relationship seems, all parents eventually commit the heinous acting of love.
Kearney: Mine do it once a year on the magical day when the prison and the insane asylum have their annual mixer. | permalink

Homer: See, Lisa, looks like tomorrow I'll be shoveling ten feet of global warming.
Lisa: Global warming can cause weather at both extremes, hot and cold.
Homer: I see, so you're saying warming makes it colder. Well aren't you the queen of crazy land. Everything the's opposite of everything. | permalink

It's crazy to say, but this week's episode of The Simpsons, which focused on Wiccans and the underground moonshine movement was the most sane plotlines in years.

During the episode, "Rednecks and Broomsticks," Homer shows off his skills as a connoisseur of moonshine amongst Cletus and his friends while Lisa tried to join a local group of Wiccans.

The part that impressed us most about this episode was the two story lines were actually being told together and actually ended up intertwining in the end, unlike the usual convulted Simpsons storyline that jumps from one to the next.

So who cares about good plot lines, was it funny?  This episode definitely had its moments, including a bear jamboree that will guarantee have you laughing long enough you'll have to rewind your DVR to not miss any jokes.

Here's some of our favorite of The Simpsons quotes from the episode:

Homer: I hate traffic, the band and the phenomenon. | permalink

Lisa: I am interested in learning more about Wicca. Are you a minority group as defined by Ivy League admissions?
Wiccan: Cornell and Dartmouth. | permalink

Flanders [about Lisa]: Just as I feared, her Buddhism has led directly to witchcraft. | permalink

Bart: Your honor, I'd like to enter something into the record.
Judge: Strangely, I'll allow it.
Bart: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a big dummy with a stupid job. I write down what other people say just like a big dummy would. Could the court reporter read that back?
Court Reporter: I'm a big dummy with a stupid job... hey! | permalink

On this week's episode of The Simpsons, Jonah Hill guest starred in the first of several guest stars signed up to join the cast for season twenty one. So how did Hill and the rest of the episode, "Pranks and Greens," fair in the laughs department? 

Well, strangely enough the episode actually gave us some backstory on two of our favorite supporting characters, Skinner and Willie.  While that's rare to say in a Simpsons episode after all these years, we still actually enjoyed that part.

As far as the jokes go, the episode certainly had some moments, and we loved Lisa actually clueing Bart in to what a loser Andy Hamilton (Jonah Hill) was.  What we loved even more?  The meta joke the writers made about TV writers still being losers.

It was an enjoyable episode, but was not even up to par with last week's, "The Devil Wears Nada," which we actually really enjoyed.  Here's some of the better Simpsons quotes from this episode:

Skinner: Bart Simpson, that is a rebuilt Yugoslavian engine and there's not even a Yugoslavia anymore. Bring it back at once. | permalink

Bart: Willie, I know you witnessed the most awesome prank since creation.
Willie: I'll nay speak to you of those dark times, Bart Simpson.
Bart: But if there was a more awesome dude than I, I need to know who he was, what he did and how many days detention he got. | permalink

Andy Hamilton: You know when I was your age, we couldn't film our pranks for Youtube, it was local news or nothing. | permalink

Marge: From now on our family is eating healthy food that looks bad on the shelf and good in our colon. | permalink

Lisa: So now Andy is a TV writer? Loser. | permalink

After taking off the last month for the World Series and the Family Guy live-action special, The Simpsons returned last night with its episode, "The Devil Wears Nada," which was meant to coincide with Marge Simpson's Playboy spread.

During the episode, Marge posed for a calendar and ended up in much more provactive pictures than she thought.  However, the photos got her all the attention from the town, but none from Homer.

That's because Homer was busy following Carl around as his new assistant.  All in all it made for some great Simpsons quotes.  Here are some of our favorites from the episode:

Lenny: I'm gonna miss Ted, he was a good supervisor
Carl: Definitely hands off. He didn't mind if we punched out late
Homer: And he didn't mind that we made a few changes to the soda machine...mmm... beer | permalink

Bart: Stop dragging me! When I get older I'm gonna drag you around and buy you clothes.
Marge: Oh, that's wonderful! | permalink

Marge: You two are going out? I thought I told you the Flanderers were coming over for dinner.
Lisa: I'm having a tea party at Jamie's.
Bart: And I'm having a stink bomb party at the house next to Jamie's... no connection. | permalink

Rod: We thought you were gonna die.
Tod: And then Uncle Kevin would have to raise us.
Rod: And his funny friend, David.
Ned Flanders: Oh I'd put rocks in your pocket and walk you out to sea for before I'd let that happen. | permalink

Ned: I'm not thinking straight, why did I have that wine cooler last month? | permalink

Homer [about Marge and Ned having an affair]: My wife and my worst friend. Could it be? | permalink

Fresh off The Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror 20th Anniversary episode, producer Al Jean has announced a slew of guest stars set to appear over the rest of season 21.

Among other big names, fans of the iconic sitcom can look forward to appearances by:

• Neve Campbell
• Jonah Hill
• Sacha Baron Cohen
• Eddie Izzard
• Chris Martin

Said Jean, to TV Guide Magazine, of Hill's guest-starring role:

“Jonah appears in an episode about a kid who’s the Bart Simpson of the elementary school ten years ago. Now he lives with his mother, he’s really pathetic and he’s still playing pranks."

As you look forward to this episode and these cameos, catch up on your favorite The Simpsons quotes now!

Last night we were treated to the annual Halloween special of The Simpsons which is now up to the "Treehouse of Horror XX."  Yeah, nothing makes us feel older than seeing two XX's after that title.

Luckily, The Simpsons proved that twenty Halloween specials were not too many and the episode proved to be a fantastic one.  The episode was broken into three stories: "Dial 'M' for Murder," "Don't Have a Cow, Mankind," and "The Musical."

Our personal favorite was the second, in which the town of Springfield became zombies and the Simpsons had to protect Bart when they found out he was the cure.  Great episode and some great Simpsons quotes.

Here's just some of our favorites from the episode:

Homer Simpson: Lighten up ladies, it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume | permalink

Principal Skinner: Lisa Simpson in detention? My horoscope told me I'd see something interesting today, but I thought that'd be the horoscope itself | permalink

Lisa: Apu, how did you survie?
Apu: Well, as a vegetarian, I did not consume any tainted meat and as a convenience store owner, I am armed to the teeth
| permalink

Marge: I can't kill her, she's Lisa's god mother
Apu: You can apologize in hell
Marge: I guess I could! | permalink

Marge: What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their savior?
[camera pans to Reverend Lovejoy...]
| permalink

Kang: This is the best musical I've sene in lightyears
Kodos: Light years measure distance, not time! | permalink

Homer: Marge, can you still love a man that's half beer?
Marge: I always have | permalink