Gossip Girl Review: From Cash to Trash

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Gossip Girl kicked off the home stretch of its fifth season tonight with an episode that picked up about a month after we left the gang in February and set a lot of different things in motion for the spring run.

Perhaps most significantly, Dair happened. Sexually. It took awhile, and a lot of booze, but it's on.

This actually wasn't a hugely Dair-centric episode, but the new lovebirds did have their drunken moments, and whichever side you're on in the Great Ship War 2012, these events likely didn't change your opinion.

Dan and Blair detractors will point to the fact that they used alcohol as a crutch to work through their initial intimacy jitters, and argue that they lack the natural chemistry that will sustain this long-term.

Supporters will note, just as accurately, that every relationship has growing pains, but they worked through those jitters through honest communication (vodka and whiskey-induced, but nevertheless).

Louis' Ex-Wife

Regardless of how believable you find Blair and Dan having elevator sex, these two are a hoot. Their drunken chats with each other, and Dorota and Nate, respectively, were some of the night's lightest, best moments.

With Chuck nowhere to be found in their storyline, and barely a mention of the stupid dowry, B & D were free to explore their feelings out in the open, mostly, for the first time, and it was a lot of fun.

Will it last? Who the heck knows. But the next chapter should be entertaining to say the least.

While they offered some sexy and comedic highlights, Dair was mostly in B-plot land tonight. The other intertwining storylines were more significant in advancing the season's overall narrative(s). Let's examine:

Ivy, the titular "Con Heir," found herself blackballed, which is hilarious in that she has (or had) all the money. That's Lily for you. It's not just money, it's who you know, and Ivy's the ultimate outsider.

It speaks to the kind of show Gossip Girl has become, but it was actually quasi-believable that William attempted to play both sides, securing blackmail money and jeopardizing Ivy's status as beneficiary.

That was quite a scheme. Chuck would be proud.

For now, no one but Carol knows he's Lola's dad, but that's destined to change, and soon. He almost told her tonight it felt like. You could tell he genuinely felt bad. For a bona fide sleaze, he's just so nice!

In any case, what we witnessed in "Con Heir" was only the opening salvo in this war. Ivy's assets are frozen and she's stuck with a $31,000 catering bill, but if this girl's proven anything, it's that she's got gumption.

Whether or not she manipulated CeCe or did anything illegal to secure her place in the will is an open question, but having come this far and tasted the Upper East Side life, she's not about to roll over now.

Rufus and Lily are clearly in it to the end. Think she's going to settle into that loft? Think again. Lola isn't going anywhere, either. After coming around to the idea that this is her family, she's an outsider no more.

It's more than a bit convoluted, but holding my attention for now at least.

Serena in Black

Serena is Gossip Girl 3.0. Blame it on the situation - Ivy tormenting her family, S feeling ostracized - but she is going to a dark, dark place. As soon as she opened that laptop, you could see it in her eyes.

It's been too long since Serena was the center of attention ... for viewers and for Serena herself. You know she's been itching for a reason to get her hands dirty, and with everything going on, well ...

The dam is about to burst, and I love it. On the outs at the Spectator, and having been slapped down by her own fake cousin, what can't she undermine if given the chance? Say hello to the puppet master!

Whether she can hang in this presumed new role is debatable, though ... her first foray was pretty weak. Why not just draft the blast and make it live as soon as William had the check in hand?!

Crazily, that wasn't even the biggest plot hole in the Gossip Girl/Serena storyline. When S opened the computer, a month later, from G singular, she received the one, and only, password to the infamous blog.

That's right, Gossip Girl doesn't even have Gossip Girl's password and can't even get into her own site! Are you kidding me with this? I guess that's the price you pay when you let Georgina Sparks fill in.

Chuck totally didn't get a blood transfusion from Jack, and his alleged mom, Elizabeth Fisher, probably didn't do the honors either. Is anyone not thinking Diana Payne is the mystery donor/Chuck family member?

With a little help from the Spectator's crack research staff, and a final push from a non-crippled youth actor, Chuck ascertained that there's no way Jack could've donated his heavily, frequently compromised blood.

As cover stories go, that wasn't too well thought out. The elder Bass didn't even try to fight the lie by the end. If nothing else, it was an excuse to visit his nephew, take a lot of drugs and entertain us.

His appearance was merely a conduit to a deepening mystery for Chuck, but it was great to see Desmond Harrington back this week. When he's not flagrantly at war with Chuck, their rapport is priceless.

Implying that he contracted the disease from Pamela Anderson, then proclaiming himself the Magic Johnson of Hepatitis C in the same sentence? That's a first ballot Hall of Fame line by Uncle Jackass.

Nate nearly secured a big investor, lost control of his big Ivy exclusive, then lost the investor, then fired Serena over it, then found himself facing the prospect of firing his staff or crawling back to Diana.

Hey, at least he presumably got it on with Lola after he got off the phone.

We won't know until May 14 whether the payoffs will be worth it, but this was a pretty good start to the spring. Before we turn it over to your comments, here's next week's promo for "It Girl, Interrupted":

What did you think of tonight's Gossip Girl? Will Ivy eventually taken down by the gang? Will Lola learn the truth? What will Serena do as the new G.G.? Who saved Chuck? Will Dair last? Tell us below!

Review

Editor Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.3 / 5.0 (984 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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I want Ivey to make off with the inheritance money. Serves The Rhodes right, and I think that's what Cece's intention was.

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Well, let's look at it this way- the first time Blair slept with Dan she didn't need to be drunk. With Chuck she did, otherwise their relationship would never have happened.
This whole argument is invalid.
Sometimes when you are extremely into someone it can be nerve wracking and a drink to relax yourself is perfectly normal- it does not spell a doomed relationship or lack of chemistry.
Anyone who actually believes if it's the right person then sex should be perfect the first time is probably still a virgin.

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gg became more interesting as it got closer to blair's wedding with Loui! Chuck and Blai's relationship has becoming stronger and growing into real adult mature love. I actually got so emotional when Blair said "i love you more and more each day" to chuck! Then this Dair thing kind of throws me off! She came from "loving Chuck so much" to "i told chuck someone else has my heart!" ewwwww it's like turning black to white! com on who is your real love? u cant love someone so much and then chnge over a real short period of time. i will take if someone tells me she is being blinded by temporary infatuation. dair's intimacy is totally awkward. even sex in the elevator seemed "not sexy" at all! For me, just 1 look from Chuck to Blair or vice versa is sexy. It fills with chemistry, emotions and love!!!!!!!! i'm a total CHAIR's fan!!!

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I feel bad for Ivy, I think she's a good person and Cece really cared for her..I wish she hadn't kicked them out and started this war, and just gone to Europe..I hate this story line, it's not her fault, it's Carol's! I don;t want her to be taken down! Plus, last ep was good bot this one was really bad..I hope it gets better

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Please, Blair and Dan owned this episode so please stop being dumbasses and say they didn't, or pretend to be "Dair fans" it's laughable. I have enough grief seeing the one and only dumBass on the screen. And remember that Blair was also drunk the first time with Chuck, but the difference is that Blair won't flee to the church for forgiveness in the next episode, go figure?

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Best episode ever! I feel bad for Ed Westwick. No wonder he wants to leave the show. He's stuck in a suit, drinking in his suite all day long, involved in plots that should be reserved for 40-year-old businessmen. You know he just wants to let loose and get boozed up in Brooklyn, too. That's what I loved about this episode. Two carefree 21-year-olds having fun and discovering new love. It felt so real, unrehearsed, and sweet. They both deserve some fun and happiness, and they got it.

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Dair is sooo boring and they have zero chemistry, outside of their humdrum chit chats They look very forced when intimate and it is not believable. He looks like her younger brother and not someone she would be interested in-Chuck is way more her equal, looks more mature and someone she would be in love with. Chuck and Blair have way more chemistry period, probably because they are more alike. That is a true love story spanning the seasons, the good and the bad, not DAIR. Have you watched any classic love stories lately?????

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@latinalover: "some people" refers to the girls in the Chuck and Blair thread in the TV Fanatic forums, and I suspect the commentators in the WSJ recap and the Hollywood live recaps will feel the same, judging by their comments from last night. Also, Blair was not drunk during her first time with Chuck in my opinion at least, she looked typsy to me. Even now she wasn't as drunk as the bachelorette party time, maybe at the end of the episode she was more drunk, but at least she was a more believable drunk last night.

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Nice try, Chair fans, trolling as Dair fans and leaving multiple comments. "I love Dair, but realize now they have no chemistry." Even besides the hot elevator sex, Penn and Leighton stole the show. They are the only ones trying anymore, seriously. How can they be hilarious, passionate, witty, and beautiful all at the same time? And why would anyone not want Blair to grow and change and realize there's more to life than the UES? Otherwise she stays the same flat, stereotypical bully from high school throwing yogurt in people's hair. When you grow up and still do that, it's called being psychotic.

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maybe Josh Safron should start issuing ritalin to their fans so it will help us power thru and focus on the boredom that is Blair and Dan!

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