Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was all about sex education and house hunting this week.
On the first of two all-new episodes, June Shannon came up with a genius form of birth control: she accompanied her daughters on dates!
Just imagine going in to kiss your paramour and seeing June's face. Have that picture in your head, fellas? It doesn't make you want to go much farther, does it?
"I can help the girls not make the mistakes I made," June said on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Episode 4, referring to having two kids by age 17. "I'm really concerned about my girls making commitments at such a young age."
It's actually a sweet, understandable viewpoint. But, like most things on this show, it's wrapped up in the bizarre.
Take the advice she actually gives to the boys during their unusual family date:
All I gotta say is you better keep your bat and your balls in your pants, your Tic Tac and your Skittle in your pants for a long time.June
It's safe to say the message was well imparted. By the end of the installment, though, June did soften a little. She said she's glad her kids get to experience teenage love… as long as they don't bring home any surprises nine months later.
On Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Episode 5, meanwhile, the family looked into a new home because their current one is exploding with stuff.
What is on the family's wish list? Everyone agrees on more space and Pumpkin thinks it would be cool to have a bidet.
Before starting their real estate search, search, a stop had to be made at a local fruit festival… where Alana won the pie-eating contest. Hooray! Everyone else got sick from gobbling down so much food.
From a festival to a foreclosure, the first home the family sees is in need of many repairs. And it smells, June says. It is $15,000 under their $90,000 budget, however.
The second house was $5,000 over, though June nitpicked it to death, while the final residence was $3000,000 over. That didn't stop the girls from raiding its fridge, however, or Mama June from "blowing up" the bathroom.
Okay. We take back our statement above: THIS is the best form of birth control possible.
In the end, everyone decided they had so many memories wrapped up in their current home that they decided to just remain there. So that poor bathroom got blown up for nothing.
How sad. And gross.