Tonight is Glee Season 5 Episode 12, which means it's the 100th episode of Glee! I’m actually surprised it’s only the 100th episode. I feel like I’ve been watching forever.
Rachel and Mercedes are arguing over who is more successful post high school. Mercedes wins with a “back of the bus” comment.
Kristin Chenoweth is back and looks...not great. Remember when she was adorable on Pushing Daisies instead of looking like a reject from The Real Housewives of Lima Ohio? For the record, I adore Kristin Chenoweth, just not as April.
Why is there so much auto-tune in Raise Your Glass? This also seems extremely inappropriate for high school students, but what do I know - I graduated in the dark ages. It is still an excellent song.
I have thoughts about Rachel’s shorts but they would fill a novel, so let me sum up: NO.
Chace Crawford is playing a guy named Biff whose family planted the first McIntosh tree. I imagine that is exactly what Chace Crawford like in real life.
This is not my favorite version of Toxic ever, but they sound and look amazing. Biff doesn’t really notice because he was texting. MAYBE HE WAS TEXTING WILL AHEM INTERNET RUMORS AHEM.
Quinn clearly hasn’t told her new boyfriend anything about her past, which means she is really really dumb for bringing him to Ohio.
Diva-off! I pick Kurt. Now shhhhh...Defying Gravity is one of the best songs this show has ever done.
Brittany is sad that she’s a math genius, but has to accept it as her life. Don’t worry, Brittany, Fondue for Two is going to take off BIG TIME.
Rachel and Mercedes are both campaigning to win the diva-off. Can’t they both win? You’re both divas! Congrats! You know “diva” is not really a NICE word, right??
Considering Brittany left the show to go pop out a baby (in real life), she looks amazing. Brit and Santana are my favorites and I wish they could be my real life friends.
If Puck really wanted/wants Quinn back, why did he join the Air Force and leave? Whatever. I am sad for Quinn. She made it out of Ohio and still isn’t happy, which I think means she will never be happy.
This version of Keep Holding On is so incredibly superior to the original and makes me really miss having Puck on the show.
(In unrelated news, I am really excited for Christopher Meloni’s new sitcom.)
Santana gives a little speech about what an awful person Rachel is and although she’s not exactly wrong it seems really, really mean. I might actually be Team Rachel now. Although the fact that she doesn’t remember being sort of awful in high school either hurts her case.
Sue pointing out that the Glee club builds elaborate sets to perform for NO ONE is hilarious but also sort of fourth-wall-breaky. Were we supposed to believe all of those performances happened for real? Where have they been hiding all the musicians??!?!
Quinn tries to explain her past to Biff and he calls her a “dirty little slutbag” which might be just a little harsh. Puck throws him in a dumpster. Quinn debates helping him and...then watching him leave, I guess? Since there’s no chance he still wants to date her with a Seacrest tattoo and a baby. He’s OLD MONEY, slutbag.
The diva-off ends in a tie. I don’t care enough to actually count the number of people in the room but that seems unlikely.
I am not at all (at alllllllll) a Gwyneth Paltrow fan, but it’s impossible to dislike her on Glee. It’s also impossible to dislike anyone while listening to Happy. I’m pretty sure that’s a scientifically proven fact.
Considering the Internet voted on their favorite past songs for this episode, I have been slightly unimpressed. I own my fair share of Glee music singles and Defying Gravity is the only one featured so far.
Britney tries to make out with Santana and gets shot down but leaves the door open. Quinn and Puck look sadly at Finn’s jersey and Quinn realizes she loves him. Puck, not Finn. That would be too sad.
And then the show just...ends. What? I was promised Don’t Stop Believin' in this episode but it is NEXT week and now I am bummed. Voiceover guy says next week is the final chapter in Glee Club history although I know that’s not actually true - season 6 hasn’t happened yet.
Maybe it will be ALL New York? I think I’m OK with that.
Who were you happiest to see return in the 100th episode of Glee?
Here is that first look at Glee Season 5 Episode 13: