We don’t get a “that’s what you missed” update, so let’s jump right in to Glee Season 5 Episode 18...

Awful Rachel is being awful about Funny Girl’s status as a hit. Wow. So success. Much reviews. I am sure this will continue for the rest of the season. Or not.

She’s meeting with an agent at ICA who immediately calls her ugly and tells her Fanny Brice is pretty much all she’s ever going to get. I feel bad enough for her I don’t want to call her Awful Rachel anymore.

Kurt wants Blaine to sing with him at some special singing thing. I’m assuming that’s where Shirley MacLaine will show up.

Mercedes is also bummed because her producer doesn’t think her album has a single on it. She wants Santana to come to the studio and sing with her. I am expecting whatever they sing to be amazing.

Rachel sings “Wake Me Up” in an extremely melancholy manner because her life is one long Broadway performance. Someone seems to have become quite ungrateful pretty quickly. Don’t worry sweetie, 46 shows down, 5,000 more to go!

The principal from Community is here to visit! He’s from Fox, not NBC, but basically playing the same person. He offers Rachel a screening for a TV show and orders her to show up in LA on Tuesday. I wonder who the leading man will be?

The producer does not want to give Rachel a day off. Oh noes, what kind of scheme is she going to have to dream up now?!

Mercedes and Santana singing "That Thing" is everything I could have dreamed. If Santana really is off the show I am going to be very, very sad.

Kurt gives Rachel “permission” to skip out of her show for the audition in LA. This is not going to end well.

Shirley MacLaine! Seriously though, does she have a big fan base among Glee devotees? It’s just a really random cameo.

Clearly I am this show’s target audience though, since I both love Shirley MacLaine AND know all the words to "Story of My Life". It’s not an amazing vocal performance or anything, but I definitely enjoy the heck out of it.

Oh snap! Shirley likes Blaine instead of Kurt. I mean...she’s not wrong?

Kurt seems to be handling the rejection pretty well. Or at least trying to. It’s admirable. Rachel would not have been so nice.

Shirley (I should probably call her June) is mad her charity event has only raised $2 million so far, so she is going to sing. WITH Blaine. I...I don’t even know how to feel about this. I think I like it? Shirley/June’s bedazzled tuxedo is helping.

Mercedes is pushing hard to get Santana onto her album. That seems really nice of her, but I didn’t realize they were such good friends. Surely doing a duet with Katy WOULD be a better idea?

Rachel is faking sick from LA. This seems like a good plan, until her producer shows up with chicken soup and B12 and throat-shots of cortisone. Has she never seen a sitcom before???

For her TV audition, Rachel is singing The Rose, because apparently her audition is in 1997. The GIANT New Girl poster behind her is distracting me. Fox really wants you to know they have other shows too! Literally every person in this audition wants Rachel to STFU and she is NOT taking the hint. I have sympathy cringes of awkwardness for her.

I would TOTALLY watch this Song of Solomon show if it was real.

Rachel is not good at auditioning without singing and realizes she is LUCKY to be on Broadway, where singing is more than half the battle. And guess what! Her understudy fell off the stage! Rachel HAS to perform tonight! I am totally shocked and did not at all see this coming!

June/Shirley just straight up told Blaine to dump Kurt for his career. I don’t think he’s going to, but it wasn’t the worst advice. I don’t mean I want them to break up forever, but Blaine should certainly be allowed to have his own success.

Santana is going on as Fanny. Which seems like a reasonable plan, although she might end up being better than Rachel. Is that what’s going to get her kicked off Glee?

Santana did a good job as understudy, Rachel made it for the second act and I see no reason she couldn’t have just pulled off the lie about being sick...but her producer wants to have a meeting. Santana is surprisingly nice about the whole thing. Maybe Mercedes is rubbing off on her.

Blaine stupidly tells Kurt he can be in the show he can’t be in. Stupid.

Mr. Green wants to fire Rachel because she’s an "ambitious, irresponsible child" but he isn’t going to because she is also a star. He also points out she was in breach of contract (DIDN’T THINK OF THAT ONE, DID YOU BERRY??) and warns her she is never allowed to pull anything like that again.

Sad Rachel is crying about her dressing down when the guy from Fox calls and offers her a show built around her. Sooo...Glee?

Good to know she learned her lesson about how lying and skipping out on her responsibilities leads to nothing good for a whole 12 seconds before she gets a dream opportunity.

Next week on Glee: Kurt is Peter Pan! I would pay actual money to see that. Plus a bunch of guest stars.

Would you have fired Rachel from Funny Girl?