It's all come down to this. The American Idol Season 13 finale will see either Jena Irene or Caleb Johnson walk away with the winner's crown - and the producers are wasting no time getting us into the music in what promises to be a star-studded spectacle advertising the Idol Summer tour.
and Jena Irene hit the stage to sing a medley of "We Will Rock You," "I'm Just a Girl" and "It's Only Love." It's not terrible at all and quite a way to start the night.
But it doesn't tell us who will win American Idol, and that's what we're all here for, right? Right. So let's get down to recapping this epic finale...
Harry Connick Jr., who hasn't stood up for a single contestant all season, has finally gotten out of his seat for their opening number. As he says, the competition's over now so he can cheer like a fan and not a judge.
Sam Woolf is the first contestant to return to the Idol stage for a duet of "Home" with Phillip Phillips. He's still wearing that ridiculous hat and Phillip Phillips is going to completely show him up. As he should.
(I'd like the record to reflect that I called Phillip Phillips as the Season 11 winner when we saw his audition. Ahem. #TeamPhilPhillips.)
Sorry, was I supposed to be telling you how amazing his performance was? I was too busy watching Phillip Phillips' amazing performance.
Everybody go download his album on iTunes.
Jennifer Nettles is on the Idol stage in the Nokia theater, joined by Jessica Meuse, whose hair is still pink. And blue. And spectacular. They tag-team for "Wrecking Ball," and I'm officially over this song. Plus Jessica goes flat on stage with Jennifer Nettles.
I do love Jessica's dress. It's amazing.
Ryan, Randy, Harry, and Keith all get together to introduce Jennifer Lopez for her next megahit "First Love." I have it on good authority that this was probably pre-recorded. Judges' performances usually are and her audio is a million times better than Jessica and Jennifer Nettles' was so, yeah, I'm going with this isn't a live performance. (And probably a lip-synced performance, too.)
Doesn't make me any less jealous of Jennifer's body. And MY GOD can she dance! She wouldn't even have to sing on this stage and eyes would still be glued to the screen.
Yes she IS still Jenny from the Block.
Caleb Johnson is about to fulfill one of his wildest dreams by performing "Love Gun" and "Shout It Out Loud" with a super old KISS. Someone, somewhere is completely fah-reak-ing out over this, but it isn't me or here in my living room.
Now here's something funny for all of us: bad lip reading.
If you've never seen bad lip reading videos before, then immediately upon the conclusion of reading this American Idol recap, you need to go to badlipreading.com and brush up on your pop culture.
Oooh, more music!
Aloe Blacc and the guys of American Idol Season 13 team up to sing Aloe Blacc's "The Man." Dexter Roberts looks great in a suit but totally out of place singing this song. But not as awkward as CJ Harris. Oh look! There's that guy from Tennessee with the red hair who always wore the baseball cap.
(Group sings are just terrible. Terrible. There is nothing more awkward than a group sing like this.)
Ford gave Caleb and Jena brand new Mustangs. And Caleb and Jena got to invite their musical mentors to the finale and give them cars. Jena's poor choir teacher doesn't know who to hug and Caleb's guitar player's hair gets stuck in Caleb's hair.
Demi Lovato and the Idol girls hit the stage to sing "Don't Really Care" and "Neon Lights." I want to like Demi Lovato as a performer but I think I like her more as a person and as a personality.
Jessica Meuse sounds the best of all the girls with her one line of "Neon Lights" but you can tell she hates the choreography. (And for good reason. It's sort of dumb.)
(Please, no more group sings!)
Jena Irene sits down behind the piano to reprise "Decode" in advance of being joined on the stage by Paramore. This is probably going down as the most fitting, best, most entertaining Idol-Band team-up. Except the audio keeps cutting in and out while Jena's singing making her sound like she has the hiccups or something.
Ryan says they're having Paramore back every night. They should have Paramore back every night.
John Legend is on the Idol stage singing "You and I." Man, I love him. It's weird to know that he's singing this song about his hot wife Chrissy Teigen and is being joined on stage by 17 year old Malaya Watson for "All Of Me," but hey, if anybody from Idol this season can hang with John Legend it's her.
Which reminds me... where is MK Nobilette?
Alex Preston and Jason Mraz are tackling Mraz' new single "Love Someone." See, Sam Woolf, THAT is how you wear a hat. I can't decide if Alex is totally geeking out at being on the stage, singing with Jason Mraz or if he's just like "eh, no big deal..." about this thing right now.
I take it back about Paramore and Jena Irene being the perfect pairing. THIS is the perfect pairing. PER-FECT.
And now Ryan Seacrest is singing to us and it's completely clear that this is NOT his talent. Oh, Just kidding. That was a cheesy intro for Richard Marx, who's doing absolutely nothing with himself these days that he's relevant enough to be singing on Idol. With Ryan Seacrest who has now joined him at the piano for a duet.
Really? Richard Marx? That was the best Ryan Seacrest could do? Oh, there it is. Richard Marx has a new album out.
Darius Rucker stops by to sing "True Believers." I love Darius Rucker but I can't understand a word he's saying as the song opens. CJ Harris and Dexter Roberts join him for "Alright" and both of them are more intelligible than Darius himself. He might be drunk right now. I wouldn't blame him if he was.
Jena and Caleb sing a mini-duet to introduce Lady Antebellum and their newest single "Hey Bartender." We ALL need a double shot of Crown, Lady Antebellum. But at least you don't have Idol hopefuls crashing your performance right now.no
Now it's time for something almost as exciting as the actual results; Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban, Harry Connick, Jr., and Randy Jackson performing a medley of songs including "True Colors" and "Go Your Own Way."
THIS. IS. AWESOME. "True Colors" was a little rough, but "Go Your Own Way" is phenomenal. Amazing! Harry plays two pianos at once while Keith and Randy jam on the guitars and J.Lo bounces around with a tambourine being fantastic. Can we just release the ticker tape now and crown them the winners?
Finally, it's the moment we've all been waiting for. Who will win American Idol season 13?
Jena Irene or Caleb Johnson?
To kill more time, Ryan reminds us they're going to prom together and they tell each other they're the bomb. NOW Ryan has the certified results in his hands.
And the American Idol season 13 winner is...
That's a wrap, TV Fanatics. We're done with Idol for another year. Caleb Johnson from Asheville, NC is our new winner.
What do you think? Did Caleb Johnson deserve to win American Idol Season 13?
Miranda Wicker is a Staff Writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.