It may be July in real life - but on The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 6 Episode 2 it's Christmas time.
We recap who thinks kids are disgusting, which housewife still lives with her mom, and who's gone zen in our +/- review....
We never would have guessed it but Joe Guidice has gone zen. We know that Dina keeps saying how zen she is but we don't think anyone who does that much whining, crying, and cursing should use the word.
On the other hand, Juicy Joe was actually extolling some deep thoughts such as, "Nothing's guaranteed in life. Life isn't guaranteed." Plus 23.
He could even be heard complimenting Teresa on her fortitude during these tough time… "I'm glad that I have such a strong wife and that I don't have like a wife that just sits around crying all the time."
Considering the words he's used to describe his wife in the past, this was kind of nice to hear. Plus 30.
But then he and Tre began discussing what happens, "If I have to go away, you know wherever I have to go…" and we got a list of Italian euphemisms for prison. Too bad they didn't hand out that book at Christmas instead of the standard dictionary.
At least this Christmas they decided to spend it out of the public spotlight. I guess the Bravo camera crew taking up residence in their home was just enough to make it the perfect, private, family holiday. Plus 11.
Speaking of Christmas, it was fun seeing Rosie, Kathy, and Rich…for the entire three minutes they graced the screen. But to be honest, I could only ever handle Rich and Rosie in limited doses anyway so I really shouldn't complain.
Of course having to watch much more of the twins, I might start complaining loudly. Talk about boring! Minus 44.
Their mother's name is Santa? Really?
OK, I'll let that one go but was Santa actually telling one of her daughters they talk loudly. How can she tell? The entire family yells as it's normal form of communication. I need two aspirin just to get through their scenes. Minus 18.
And please tell me we won't have to sit through more scenes of Giovanni learning the restaurant business. It ran from snore inducing to uncomfortable as his father and his aunt tossed sexual innuendos back and forth while they cooked. Minus 22. I know I lost my appetite.
And what's with Nicole's boyfriend Bobby giving her a cheesy high heel wine holder for Christmas? Minus 35. Someone should tell Nicole it's time to move on, or at least show him what he can do with that heel.
Amber put her family through a series of Christmas fire drills which I would otherwise applaud, if I weren't completely blinded by her huge Christmas cleavage during her interviews. On a show where cleavage is the norm, hers caught my attention and I couldn't look away. Minus 37. Trust me, I tried.
Apparently, before Amber had four of the little buggers she thought children were "disgusting beings" full of snot and throw up. Now she knows that ""Everything needs to be perfect and controlled for them."
Doesn't that sound like a fun house to grow up in? Minus 13.
We didn't see a lot of Dina this week and I'm grateful. Plus 20. If I have to hear her say she's zen one more time I think I might scream. And can you say you're separated when you are still living with and sleeping with your supposed ex? Will they end up in bed together at the end of the day and talk about their dates with other people?
Finally, we see the piece of land where the Gorgas plan to build their next dream home. Melissa wants Joe to pee on it to really make it theirs. That's the way to keep it classy.
Episode total = -85! Season total = -218!
Which Housewife as the most boring storyline so far this season?
C. Orlando is a TV Fanatic Staff Writer. Follow her on Twitter.