Avery: I always thought by the time I had kids, I'd have the whole deal. You know, wife, house, yard... grill.
Gunner: You have a good apartment.
Avery: I have a sad-dad apartment.

I was stupid enough to think that I could wear something that fit three days ago. These boobs are out of control.


I guess it's easier to deny needing the occasional hookup, then actually being in love with a man. Isn't it?


He called me nothing, Emily. Nothing. Which is why this nothing is raising this baby alone.


Jared: I want to make this work.
Swatello: So do I, but like adults.
Jared: Let's not get crazy.

Jared: My hatred for you has been greatly exaggerated.
Swatello: That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.
Jared: That's really sad.

Infeld: Would you care to join me in getting absolutely squiffed?
Damien: I'm all in.

Fate is what you make of it not just what comes your way.


Jared: When the dust settles is Swatello the one?
Peter: Right now she's the one who got away.

Jay Z wants to give my eulogy. Please, don't let him tell the Barbados story.


You got us arrested. We totally blame you!


My ninth birthday all I got was the Milenium Falcon with the stowaway bay.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 95332 in total
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