Carl: Take your meds yet?
Ian: Yep.
Carl: Going to be a stressful day.
Ian: Got it.

I can't do that. I can't leave my heart in my locker at the start of shift and just pick it up at the end. I can't. Maybe it'll break me someday. I just don't care.

Brett

I'm the Herald of Hell. I am evil.

Sabrina

Helen: Don't sleep in there. You can you use the bedroom.Elaine: I can't take your bedroom.Helen: I'm up at 6 o'clock in the morning.Elaine: I can't kick you out of your bed.Helen: We don't even sleep.

Ted that is so romantic, I want to fill a pillow case with dead batteries and beat you with it.

Barney

We have one last chance to make things right. Alone we're nothing. But if we work together, we have a shot. If we can't get over the past, the fighting will never end. We have to confront our enemies. This rivalry has to stop. One way or another.

Sam

Mike: They probably want to study our reproductive systems.
Mellie: Sex with aliens?!?
Victor: Come on. Who doesn't want to put alien guy back in the box?

Stanley: Eh...
Phyllis: I'm sorry. It's the largest one I have.
Stanley: I will not be the big guy in the tiny hat.

She is a orca, Benjamin. And FYI, they're very difficult to keep in a home aquarium.

Tracy

Parker: Who taught you to drive?
Sophie: Taxi driver in Istanbul
Parker: I like it.

Look, maybe I was unclear. Go away!

Brooke

Brother Death: I thought that I was done with killing. Seems that killing isn’t done with me. So I reckon I’ll be joining your little story. If you’d have me.
Éile: How good are you with those cleavers?
Brother Death: Too good.