Popular Quotes
Kate: When did that happen? Isn't someone engaged?
Maggie: To Amanda. She kissed me. On the mouth. It wasn't half bad.
Hughes, this program that you fought for, it's all we have left of him! I'm not going to let you sabotage his legacy. Go home!
Jack
Careful, Mr. Palmer. Gastric acid can cut a hole right through your foot.
Ducky
I don't have what it takes to play the guitar.
Homer
Turk: I totally get it. Older ladies know how to work it!
Carla: Okay, see, now you're in a bit of a pickle because the older lady you're talking about better not be me, and it sure as hell better not be somebody else. So whatta you have to say?
Turk: Your favorite jeans are too tight and they look ridiculous!
Carla: What!?
Turk: Well, I-I'm in trouble anyway and it needed to be said!
[on phone] Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells, "Hey cop, you like donuts?" then we drive off. No, he just stayed there.
Ryan
Michael: Hey let me escort you to your desk.
Pam: Okay, it's just... three or four steps but thank you. [sits down] Thank you.
Michael: You and Jim are close, huh?
Pam: Yeah, I think the pregnancy really brought us together.
Hector: Interfering in German politics? There's no fucking way you have Langley's approval on this.
Daniel: Gerhardt's funding a terror attack to swing the election in her favor? That's everyone's business.
Page one, why the fuck are you fading in?
Hank
J.D.: Oh, are we allowed to do this now? What about that whole, like, hands on the hips, "Carla from the block" thing she does when she's mad - when she's like "Oh, Bambi, you do not want to mess me with right now."
Doug: You do sound like that.
Carla: Careful Doug, we are not that close yet.
J.D.: "Careful, Doug."
Elliot: That's what's up. Mm-mm. Mmm.
J.D.: "Doug, you better be careful, 'cause I'm Carla."
Jade: I thought you didn't kill women.
The Widow: You're right: I don't, but he might.
Quinn: Always good to see you, Jade.
Chris: The army sounds awesome! And the recruiter said, with any luck, I could get the clap from a twelve year-old Chinese prostitute.
Peter: Oh, that's great! You'll be serving your country, just like American film legend, Mickey Rooney.
(scene switches to Mickey Rooney in a chair)
Mickey Rooney: Hi, I'm former biggest star in the world Mickey Rooney, and, as you may know, I am totally and completely insane! I like to yell at mice with my shirt off! (a shirtless Rooney kneels by a mouse) Aaah! Aaah! Sometimes, I like to steal other people's scabs! (Rooney steals a man's scab and runs off) Aaah! Aaah! How do I stay so crazy? (lifts up a jar of pills) Mickey Rooney's Crazy Pills! Take one with breakfast, one with lunch, and before you know it, you'll be up on your roof, pooping in the chimney! (switches to Rooney sitting on a chimney, pants down) Hold out your stockings, kids!