Popular Quotes
I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano's phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.
Schmidt
[This hat] belonged to my first Witchfinder General, Scotty, who saved my life in barracks then later betrayed me so I had him shot.
King James
Cartman: (eating chili) Hey, this is great!
Scott: Eh, it's a special recipe.
Cartman: Yeah, this is really good, Scott!
Scott: I'm glad you like it so much, because now that you're almost finished, I have something to tell you
Cartman: What? You mean about how you put pubes in your chili?
Scott: (surprised) W-What??
Cartman: Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, Scott. I switched it with Chef's.
(Chef looks surprised at what Cartman says.)
Cartman: It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that What I did plan on, however, was that my friends, Stan and Kyle, would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap. I assumed that they would tell you that I had trained Denkins' pony to bite off your wiener. What they didn't tell you was that Denkins is a drunken redneck who shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing that you would try and do something to the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that violent pony killers were in the area. I also know that you wouldn't go yourself, for fear of having your wiener bitten off. You would most likely send your parents. And, I'm afraid that when Mr. Denkins spotted them on his property, he shot and killed both your parents.
(In the flashback, Scott's parents get shot at.)
Mr. Denkins: (after flashback) Well, they was trespassin' and I was protectin' myself. I have my rights.
Scott: My mom and dad are dead??
Cartman: (continues) I came just in time to see Mr. Denkins giving his report to Officer Barbrady; and of course, to steal the bodies. After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival, so that I could tell you personally about your parents' demise! And of course, feed you my chili. Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott? I call it "Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili."
Scott: Oh, my god! (pulls out a finger from the chili) OH, MY GOD!!! (throws up violently)
Callie: Is that why you aren't taking the internship? Because you don't trust me?
Aaron: Well, it was pretty easy for me to steal you away from him, so how hard could it be for him to steal you back?
Callie: I am not a piece of property. You didn't steal me from anyone. If that's how highly you think of me, then this is done.
Caroline: I can't believe you're putting your financial future into the hands of a hipster tax place called "The Tax of Life".
Max: You know how the old proverb goes. "You take the good, you take the bad. You take what's left, and there you have the tax of life."
You feel something for me. I know it. You're hiding behind your accent.
Adam
Regina: What makes you think you know me so well.
Robin Hood: Well for one thing I'd be charred to a crisp right now if I didn't.
Dr. Wilson: Where's House?
Taub: Performing his ritual "Hiding from Cuddy to avoid getting a new case" dance. It's sort of a jazz-fusion sort of thing.
You didn’t make good choices. You had good choices. Options that being rich, and white, and entitled gave you.
Mia
Everyone is dying.
Canning
Jackson: You hurt my mom and I hurt you.
Webber: I won't hurt your mom, I like her.
Jackson: I dont like that you like her.
Webber: Man to man, you're just gonna have to deal with it. You don't want a piece of this. Not today.
Jackson: I'm watching you.
Webber: I hope you like the view.
I will be honest with you all, I don’t want my wife back because I love her, I want her back because I am tired of people looking at me the way you all are looking at me right now.
Gordon