[to Rachel] Here's the thing. I will respect your boundaries, but just know that when we're together, whatever we talk about, whatever we're doing. I'm thinking of kissing you.

Brody

Robin: Quick announcement: I am glad you are here, fellow travelers. A couple rules. Ah, not rules, let's call them "Guidelines for Harmonious Living".
Guideline for Harmonious Living Number One: The kitchen sink is for dishes, the toilet is for pee-pee.
Guideline for Harmonious Living Number Two: Marijuana is illegal in the United States, yes, even when baked into a blueberry muffin, that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast, before leaving for their job as a TV newcaster. "This just in, look at my hand, how weird is my hand?" is not an appropriate thing to say on the air.
And Three...
[everyone cheers]
Robin: and number three is keep the noise to a minimum!

Listen, Jack. You can work when you want. You can bring Carl with you. We will keep an eye on Louise to make sure she doesn't eat him. Maybe.

Nolan

Dr. Cox: Dorothy, you're going home, are ya?
J.D.: Yep!

Silver: Hang on, you're serious about taking the ship?
Flint: What the f**ck did you think?
Silver: I thought this was how you intended to escape.

Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been pepper-sprayed by the time we're two.

Cleveland

"Suck home plate!"

Shawn [to Henry]

Eric: What are you going to wear to a Bat Mitzvah, a Knicks jersey?
Turtle: It's formal. I was thinking "home whites"

Wow. Either I'm way out of practice or you have a weird mouth.

Nate

I understand checks, it's just the balances I have trouble with.

Neal

Christina: Ok, you look like...
Ron: What?

I'm sure he'll offer a fair reward...and then we'll make him double it! Well, why can't I be greedy once in a while?

Marge