Carmela: Your father is sick.
Meadow: Oh, my God, daddy. What happened?
Carmela: He went to an Indian restaurant.
Meadow: That is so racist.

Carmela: In a year, tops, you're gonna have to accept a gumar.
Janice: Oh, yeah? Well I'd like to see a gumar who's gonna let him hold a gun to their head when they fuck.
Carmela: You let him hold a gun to your head during sex?
Janice: Yeah. Well, if that gets him off, I mean, it's not any different than garter belts and nurse's uniforms.
Carmela: Well, it's a gun, Janice. I thought you were a feminist.
Janice: Usually he takes the clip out.

Carmela: What the hell happened over there?
Tony: Janice decided to go back to Seattle.
Carmela: You're kidding. What about Richie? He must be devastated.
Tony: Richie's gone.
Carmela: What do you mean gone?
Tony: Gone.
Carmela: Where?
Tony: Carmela, after 18 years of marriage, don't make me make you an accessory after the fact.
Carmela: An accessory after the...(realizes) Holy shit!

You're putting me in a position where I'm feeling sorry for a whore who fucks you?! You know what's even stranger-for a second I believed you.

Carmela

Tony: (about a vasectomy) Well whatever is down here is God's creation. Isn't it a sin to undo the good work he's done?
Carmela: Well you should know. You've made a living of it.

Gentle and merciful Lord Jesus, I want to speak to you not with an open heart, an honest heart. Tonight I ask you take my sins and the sins of my family into your merciful heart. We have chosen this life in full awareness of the consequences of our sins. I know that Christopher's life is in your hands and his fate is your will. I ask you humbly to spare him and if it is your will to spare him, I ask that you deliver him from blindness and grant him vision and through this vision may he see your love and gain the strength to carry on in service to your mercy.

</i> Carmela

Christopher: (on having sex) If I knew it was going to keep getting better and better I would have asked you to marry me sooner.
Adriana: (slaps him) It wasn't always good?

Carmela: I don't think you understand. I want you to write that letter.
Joan: Excuse me?
Carmela: I said I want you to write that letter.
Joan: Are you threatening me?
Carmela: What threatening? I brought you a ricott' pie and a high school transcript so you could write a letter of recommendation for my little daughter to Georgetown.

Carmela: You could have killed those girls.
A.J.: Now that would have been interesting.
Carmela: What? What did you just say?
A.J.: Death just shows the ultimate absurdity of life.
Tony: What is this? Are you trying to get me to lose my temper? Cause I'm about to put you through that Goddamn window.
A.J.: See? That's what I mean. Life is absurd.
Carmela: Don't say that! God forgive you.
A.J.: There is no God.

Carmela: What kind of animal smokes marijuana at his own confirmation?
A.J.: I don't know.
Carmela: Be a good Catholic for fifteen fucking minutes; is that so much to ask?!

Carmela: You stole my car? Where is the trust in this house?
AJ: When I get confirmed I'm going to be a man. So how come I can't drive?
Tony: You really want to get into this? Who was that man we had to pick up at camp last year for bed wetting?

Acting is mostly feelings unless the actor's driving a car or sword fighting or something.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 41 in total

The Sopranos Quotes

(to Junior) Remember the story you told me about the father bull talking to the son. They're up on this hill and looking down on a bunch of cows. And the son goes to the father, "Dad, why don't we run down there and fuck one of these cows?" Now do you remember what the father said? Father says, "Son, why don't we walk down there and fuck them all?"

Tony

Junior: A Chinaman goes to see the eye doctor. After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble." The Chinaman says, "why?" Doctor said, "you have a cataract." Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental." (short pause) You don't get it?
Bobby: I get it. He drives a Lincoln Continental. What?

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