Carmela: Your father is sick.
Meadow: Oh, my God, daddy. What happened?
Carmela: He went to an Indian restaurant.
Meadow: That is so racist.

You're putting me in a position where I'm feeling sorry for a whore who fucks you?! You know what's even stranger-for a second I believed you.

Carmela

Carmela: What the hell happened over there?
Tony: Janice decided to go back to Seattle.
Carmela: You're kidding. What about Richie? He must be devastated.
Tony: Richie's gone.
Carmela: What do you mean gone?
Tony: Gone.
Carmela: Where?
Tony: Carmela, after 18 years of marriage, don't make me make you an accessory after the fact.
Carmela: An accessory after the...(realizes) Holy shit!

Carmela: In a year, tops, you're gonna have to accept a gumar.
Janice: Oh, yeah? Well I'd like to see a gumar who's gonna let him hold a gun to their head when they fuck.
Carmela: You let him hold a gun to your head during sex?
Janice: Yeah. Well, if that gets him off, I mean, it's not any different than garter belts and nurse's uniforms.
Carmela: Well, it's a gun, Janice. I thought you were a feminist.
Janice: Usually he takes the clip out.

Gentle and merciful Lord Jesus, I want to speak to you not with an open heart, an honest heart. Tonight I ask you take my sins and the sins of my family into your merciful heart. We have chosen this life in full awareness of the consequences of our sins. I know that Christopher's life is in your hands and his fate is your will. I ask you humbly to spare him and if it is your will to spare him, I ask that you deliver him from blindness and grant him vision and through this vision may he see your love and gain the strength to carry on in service to your mercy.

</i> Carmela

Tony: (about a vasectomy) Well whatever is down here is God's creation. Isn't it a sin to undo the good work he's done?
Carmela: Well you should know. You've made a living of it.

Christopher: (on having sex) If I knew it was going to keep getting better and better I would have asked you to marry me sooner.
Adriana: (slaps him) It wasn't always good?

Carmela: I don't think you understand. I want you to write that letter.
Joan: Excuse me?
Carmela: I said I want you to write that letter.
Joan: Are you threatening me?
Carmela: What threatening? I brought you a ricott' pie and a high school transcript so you could write a letter of recommendation for my little daughter to Georgetown.

Carmela: What kind of animal smokes marijuana at his own confirmation?
A.J.: I don't know.
Carmela: Be a good Catholic for fifteen fucking minutes; is that so much to ask?!

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