Ron: Anne was getting a little chummy. When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.
April: That's a really nice move.
Ron: Thank you.
April: You're welcome Lester.

Andy: April, you're like an angel with no wings.
April: So like a person?

My mom's Puerto Rican. That's why I'm so lively and colorful.

April: I love you.
Andy: Dude, shut up! That is awesome sauce!

Jean-Ralphio: This party sucks. Let's get out of here.
April: It's my birthday party.
Jean-Ralphio: It is?
April: Yes.
Jean-Ralphio: Sorry, boo.

Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.

Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
April: Ew.

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

I don't care about that prize, but I'm gonna win because I want his happiness to away.

Ron: Anyone find any mistakes?
April: Yeah, actually, in here it says that Pawnee is great, but in reality it's terrible.

Donna: You'll never guess what I found on Jerry's Facebook.
April: A friend? Buuurn.

April: I want to go to The Glitter Factory.
Leslie: Well, drop out of school and start doing meth.

Parks & Rec Quotes

History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.

Ron

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron