Barry Zuckerkorn Quotes
Barry: Our star witness. Come here. Good to see you. You know what? Don't get too close to me. 'Cause I've got an itch you can't believe. I think something laid eggs on me.
Michael: Thanks for the heads up.
Michael: I might not be the best witness either. I got a phone call from Kitty this morning.
Barry: Your secretary?
George Sr.: My secretary.
Michael: She says that she's got some evidence, and she's threatening to bring down the company unless we meet her demands.
Gob: Oh, that is just great. Now, I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's "Oh, let's have Gob (bleep) our way out of it."
Michael: All right, listen. This is all getting a little crazy. We cannot accept their conditions if we don't even know what their conditions are.
Barry: Do you wanna read it?
Michael: I know it's thick. Why don't we just take it?
Barry: I could kiss you on the *bleep*.
Michael: Ah, well it's -- what?!
Barry: Do you want to read it?
Michael: No, it is thick. Why don't we just take it?
Barry: I could kiss you on the nuts.
Michael: Yeah, well ... What?
Lucille: Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man.
(Everyone groans except for Barry)
Barry: They still look fabulous.
Gob: Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society.
Barry: The solution to all our problems is staring you right in the face, and it can't even see you.
(Reading off George Sr.'s crimes)
Judge Ping: Conspiracy, racketeering, evidence tampering, fraud, theft, grand theft, petty theft.
Barry: Wow, I-I did not get that page.
Barry: Sorry, sorry, sorry I'm so late. I had another hearing. Here's the good news: I think I'm going to get off, huh? I have a good lawyer.
Barry Zuckerkorn: It would help if you would all show up looking like a loving, supportive family.
Lucille: For how long?
Barry Zuckerkorn: Ten minutes tops.
Lucille: See if you can get it down to five.
Barry: What are you doing? They'll add ten years to your sentence.
George, Sr.: They'll never catch me!
Michael: Yeah, it's Michael Bluth for Barry.
Barry: (whispering) I'm not here.
James Alan Spangler: Uh, Barry's not here. Can I give her a message?
Michael: Yeah. Tell her she needs to whisper a little softer next time. And I'm not paying for this phone call.
Barry: I am not a girl, you ...
James Alan Spangler: Go on. Call me something. I'm redoing my kitchen.
Barry Zuckerkorn: (to Lucille) What are you doing? Pilates? Because no forty year-old woman should look like that.
Michael: Well, no forty year-old woman does look like that.
