Bernadette: A two-hundred dollar R2D2 is a business expense?
Howard: Oh, Bernie. You're gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited.
Excuse me. You better find my husband's mother, because one way or another, we're walking out of here with a dead woman!
Penny reading Amy's book: "Amelia stood before the newly repaired time machine.She regretted giving Cooper the part he needed."
Bernadette: Because she wanted him to give her the part she needed.
- Permalink: Because she wanted him to give her the part she needed.
Penny: You look like a talking cupcake!
Pageant Bernadette: And you should pick me for Miss California Quiznos 1999, because I want to...Tell you what I want, what I really really want I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna Really, really, really be Miss California Quiznos 1999!
Raj: No, I'm not okay. I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin.
Bernadette: I told you not to wax down there.
- Permalink: I told you not to wax down there.
Bernadette: Wow, you really do love her.
Sheldon: I do. Now, let's find the kind of gift that makes her feel small and worthless.
Howard: Well, if you're so smart, you get the bird out.
Raj: No, you're the one who let him in.
Howard: How do you know it wasn't Leonard?
Raj: Come on.
- Permalink: Come on.
Bernadette: So your evil plot here is to buy your girlfriend a present?
Sheldon: That's right.
- Permalink: That's right.
Bernadette: Why'd you turn it off?
Sheldon: Because in the last ten minutes, Santa came to town, kissed Mommy and ran Grandma over with a reindeer. I had a drunk uncle who did all those things. Nobody sings songs about him.
Bernadette: Maybe you'd like it more if you thought of Santa as a superhero and his power is bringing joy to children.
Sheldon: My uncle was accused of that, too. It turned out to be legal in Oklahoma.
Bernadette: I mean, maybe I come off a little strong, but that's only because my dad raised me to be tough and not to take
crap from anybody.
Penny: No. That's fine, but there's a difference between being tough and telling your friend her new pants look like a saggy diaper.
Bernadette: I did say that, didn't I?
Penny: Yeah, you did. I felt so self-conscious, I had to return them.
Bernadette: Where? To Babies R Us?
- Permalink: Where? To Babies R Us?
Bernadette: What's his problem?
Penny: Oh. I don't know. Maybe he didn't like the fact that you called his grandson a wuss.
Bernadette: Well, I didn't think you were supposed to say "sissy" anymore.
- Permalink: Well, I didn't think you were supposed to say "sissy" anymore.
Bernadette: Dan, you have a grandson. How old is he?
Bernadette: I remember him from the picnic. He was the one crying like a wuss the whole time. I heard he was being picked on by a mean kid. Just builds character. Like my dad said, "Nobody likes a crybaby except their mommies and Democrats."
Dan: I need another drink.
- Permalink: I need another drink.
Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.
Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?
- Permalink: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz el...