Blair Waldorf Quotes
Blair: I thought that if I could be the Blair Waldorf that I want to be a little sooner, that maybe I could return to Chuck before he fell for someone else.
Dan: Well you do know Reina broke up with him.
Blair: Yes. In my head. But in my heart I feel further away than ever. Tonight he's thinking about a different girl. And meanwhile, I lost my job, I failed a test... I almost got my best friend's mother arrested. And I'm in Brooklyn. Talking about it to Dan Humphrey.
Dan: Ah, well. I'm about to order some pizza if you want to stay.
Blair: Your "friends as fashion" metaphor was well-executed, but did not save my job.
Dan: You got fired.
Blair: Slash quit. Donna said they'd been watching me for awhile, hoping for the best, but let's face it I'm imploding.
My problem isn't emotional. It's administrative.
Dan: I know you only admitted you needed me so you could make me your drug mule.
Blair: That sticky note was meant for Penelope. Frankly with her attitude she could use some time behind bars.
Dan: So that's it? There's no "I'm sorry I could have gotten you arrested."?
Blair: Well, you're here. The party's lovely. Everything obviously turned out fine.
Serena: Except that you sent Dan to get the wrong flowers. The tulips with the coke were pink.
Blair: And I wrote that down. This one's on you, Humphrey.
Dan: You wrote purple. Classic Stroop Effect.
Blair: Where you write or say a color that you see instead of the one you mean. You're not the only one who knows his neurodysfunction.
Dan: Now what's so urgent?
Blair: I wanted to tell you... that you were right... about that thing.
Dan: And now which thing was that?
Blair: I, Blair Waldorf, need Dan Humphrey's help.
Dan: "As a friend and peer, not as an underling."
Blair: As my friend and peer not my underling.
Serena: Blair, we need your help with a scheme.
Dan: She can't.
Blair: Ah— I can! New paragraph. "The Nude Maja began Goya's separation from religious iconography—"
Serena: What are you doing here?
Dan: I'm leaving. This just went from Woman on the Verge to Saw II. I don't really like gore porn really.
Dan: When was the last time you slept?
Blair: Sleep is for the weak.
Dan: Sure you're not ready to admit you need my help?
Blair: Never! No, never isn't what he transitioned Spain into, it's Modernism and don't get caught talking during a test!
Do you have Bryn Harold? Well then take off your shoes and chase her down, because I need that opera as a front of book idea. They're doing Boris Godunov this spring. Who doesn't love Tsars and Cossacks?
Blair: Tell me, for someone who's so determined to remain a free person, why are you still here?
Dan: Listen, I'm not going to work for you. But as a friend I am willing to help out. All you have to do is admit you need me.
Blair: What? Never. The last person I need is Dan Humphrey. Who shouldn't flatter himself by thinking he's my friend. [on phone] Yes, I need immediate delivery of four venti lattes with extra shots — none of which are for you.
Dan: Oh good. I don't really like refreshments with my theatre.
Penelope, I see on Gossip Girl that you're between 36th and 48th Street. That is a tasteful gift-free zone. Get back in the cab. [on other phone] What do you mean you don't know the price of the Prada clutch? You are Prada. Let me speak to Muccia!
Blair: This job offer won't last forever.
Dan: No way am I going to work for you. I came here to see if you wanted to have lunch, not sign up for indentured servitude.
