Goddamn I hate gin. Dee, you bitch!

Somebody needs to take care of Mac...because the man is carrying around trash bags filled with Mexican foods.

Without the sunglasses, Weekend at Bernie's would have been a very dark, strange tale.

Dennis: You're born into class. It's about pedigree. It's about upbringing. It has nothing to do with your present circumstance.
Dee: See, Dennis and I were born upper class. Therefore, we currently are and will forever remain upper class. Frank, stop picking your teeth for one second and back us up here.

I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care.

Dennis: We also have the bird with teeth.
Charlie: Wow, okay. And I'm assuming the teeth are fake, yes?
Dennis: Yes. Well they're not really human teeth if that's what you're asking
Charlie: No, I mean did you discover a bird with teeth in this fashion?
Dennis: That does not exist in nature.
Charlie: Okay, I'm not sure, but either way, good glue work.

If you think Jesus and the lord are so great, why don't have you have them swing by in their Lamborghinis and drive you home?

Rude man who shushes please call.

Mac, you have an exceptional number of bugs in your teeth. You're gonna want to rinse those out. It's disgusting.

Mac: You are such a dildo, dude.
Dennis: Thanks, dude, thanks. That's a good way to start the day.

He doesn't hide under a toupee. He faces his challenges instead of retreating to the sewers nude to forage for rings and coins. Or to the toilets. To a life filled with rats. He's the kind of man who gives me the courage to do an amazing double jack-knife twist, which I did. Most of you people wouldn't even attempt that, I did it. And to go down on Chrissy Orlando on a trampoline that very same night, which I also did. And I licked her asshole a little bit. It was pretty good. It was alright. It wasn't great.

Frank: (*after a bat bites him*) I just got tagged by a bat! I got tagged! Suck out the poison, Dee! I'll give you $200 if you suck it out.
(*Dee sucks on Frank's head*)
Frank: Suck it harder!
Mac: Did you swallow it?!
Dee: Yeah, I swallowed it.
Mac: Make yourself throw up!
Charlie: You swallowed the poison!
Dennis: Bats don't have poison!

It's Always Sunny Quotes

With real power comes real responsibility and I don't want any of that shit. I just want the money and the illusion of power. And puss.

Dennis

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.