Dot Com: Sometimes things change.
Tracy: And yet you still say stupid stuff to me all the time.

Dot Com: Have you read any of these movie scripts yet?
Tracy: Yeah, I read the one about a handsome genius who lied to two idiots about reading scripts.

You just bought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's bones, and he's not even dead!

Dot Com: You think we don't want him back? Do you know how much our cobra payments are? And he's the only one who knows the combination to the candy safe.
Grizz: The worst part is being able to see the candy.

Dot Com: You were a switch hitter?
Jack: Switch hitter, pitcher, catcher. Whatever the boys needed.

Dot Com: You had to sign your crime didn't you?
Grizz: You're the one who gave me those Monk DVDs.

Dot Com: Also we took Tracy's cell phone, his wallet...
Tracy: ... and my mood ring! And I don't know how I feel about that.

Tracy: Well, I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons... for very legitimate reasons.
Dot Com: Cooking a French bread pizza and forgot.

Perhaps one day we'll live in a world where you ask us to pretend to be scientists.

We open on a lone soldier walking through the desert. The year 1861, the place... Mars.

Dot Com: Yo, Kenneth, we need to talk now.
Kenneth: Oh, I've had this conversation before. You're marrying my mom, aren't you?

30 Rock Quotes

Fine, I will try the other location. But frankly, LaDonica, you have not been real helpful.

Kenneth

I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.

Jack