Dot Com: Sometimes things change.
Tracy: And yet you still say stupid stuff to me all the time.

Dot Com: Have you read any of these movie scripts yet?
Tracy: Yeah, I read the one about a handsome genius who lied to two idiots about reading scripts.

You just bought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's bones, and he's not even dead!

Dot Com: You think we don't want him back? Do you know how much our cobra payments are? And he's the only one who knows the combination to the candy safe.
Grizz: The worst part is being able to see the candy.

Dot Com: You were a switch hitter?
Jack: Switch hitter, pitcher, catcher. Whatever the boys needed.

Dot Com: You had to sign your crime didn't you?
Grizz: You're the one who gave me those Monk DVDs.

Dot Com: Also we took Tracy's cell phone, his wallet...
Tracy: ... and my mood ring! And I don't know how I feel about that.

Tracy: Well, I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons... for very legitimate reasons.
Dot Com: Cooking a French bread pizza and forgot.

Perhaps one day we'll live in a world where you ask us to pretend to be scientists.

We open on a lone soldier walking through the desert. The year 1861, the place... Mars.

Dot Com: Yo, Kenneth, we need to talk now.
Kenneth: Oh, I've had this conversation before. You're marrying my mom, aren't you?

30 Rock Quotes

Jenna: Oh, I'm not worried because I have something the other actors don't.
Liz: Don't say your sexuality.
Jenna: My sexuality.
Liz: Oh, god, Jenna! When has that ever worked?
Jenna: When has it not worked?!

Passing out and cursing on St. Patrick's Day. Is nothing sacred anymore?