Dot Com: Sometimes things change.
Tracy: And yet you still say stupid stuff to me all the time.

Dot Com: Have you read any of these movie scripts yet?
Tracy: Yeah, I read the one about a handsome genius who lied to two idiots about reading scripts.

You just bought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's bones, and he's not even dead!

Dot Com: You think we don't want him back? Do you know how much our cobra payments are? And he's the only one who knows the combination to the candy safe.
Grizz: The worst part is being able to see the candy.

Dot Com: You were a switch hitter?
Jack: Switch hitter, pitcher, catcher. Whatever the boys needed.

Dot Com: You had to sign your crime didn't you?
Grizz: You're the one who gave me those Monk DVDs.

Dot Com: Also we took Tracy's cell phone, his wallet...
Tracy: ... and my mood ring! And I don't know how I feel about that.

Tracy: Well, I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons... for very legitimate reasons.
Dot Com: Cooking a French bread pizza and forgot.

Perhaps one day we'll live in a world where you ask us to pretend to be scientists.

We open on a lone soldier walking through the desert. The year 1861, the place... Mars.

Dot Com: Yo, Kenneth, we need to talk now.
Kenneth: Oh, I've had this conversation before. You're marrying my mom, aren't you?

30 Rock Quotes

Oh, poor baby. Can't hack it in the big city? Gonna move to the bay area now, pretend that that was your dream the whole time? Have fun always carrying a light sweater.

Jenna

I wanna roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

Liz