Our entire relationship is about you. My dying is about me!

Wilson: Just dinner?
House: That depends on how much you have to drink.

Wilson: Does it ever stop being surreal?
Thirteen: It'll stop. In about 5 or 6 months, give or take, in your case.

I'm sorry. I wasn't familiar with hooker protocol.

House: It's an 80 oz. steak.
Wilson: I'm hungry.

Wilson: Tomorrow I'm leaving work behind to chase my boyhood crush.
House: The years have not been kind to David Cassidy.

I've taken a meaningful vow to lead a less meaningful life.

My watch must have stopped. Must be a quarter to never.

Wilson: You are a horrible person.
House: All I need is to break up one marriage. You broke up three of your own. You're like the Stephen Hawking of killing relationships.

Wilson: Oh, sand art! I used to love this stuff!
House: He's bitter, not mentally handicapped.

This is one of the symptoms of working for House. You start seeing zebras everywhere.

Foreman: We have a problem.
Wilson: Does it limp?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 127 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

House: We are condemned to useless labor...
Dr. Wilson: Fourth circle of hell. Charting goes a lot faster when you eliminate all classic poetry.
House: Writing down what we already know to be read by nobody. Pretty sure Dante would agree that qualifies as useless.
Dr. Wilson: You're over two weeks behind in your charting...
(Dr. Cuddy approaches them, and House throws a piece of paper towards her)
House: Oops... I missed!

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