Our entire relationship is about you. My dying is about me!

Wilson: Just dinner?
House: That depends on how much you have to drink.

Wilson: Does it ever stop being surreal?
Thirteen: It'll stop. In about 5 or 6 months, give or take, in your case.

I'm sorry. I wasn't familiar with hooker protocol.

House: It's an 80 oz. steak.
Wilson: I'm hungry.

Wilson: Tomorrow I'm leaving work behind to chase my boyhood crush.
House: The years have not been kind to David Cassidy.

I've taken a meaningful vow to lead a less meaningful life.

My watch must have stopped. Must be a quarter to never.

Wilson: You are a horrible person.
House: All I need is to break up one marriage. You broke up three of your own. You're like the Stephen Hawking of killing relationships.

Wilson: Oh, sand art! I used to love this stuff!
House: He's bitter, not mentally handicapped.

This is one of the symptoms of working for House. You start seeing zebras everywhere.

Foreman: We have a problem.
Wilson: Does it limp?

House Quotes

Taub: You know he just doesn't want to live in pain.
House: Life is pain! I wake up every morning in pain! Work is pain! You know how many times I just wanted to give up? How many times I've thought about ending it?

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.