Emily: A funeral? Whose?
Lorelai: It was for the neighbors', uh, cat. (silence) Mom?
Emily: Hold on. I'm looking up "aneurysm" in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one.

If I wanted to talk to a machine, I'd talk to my VCR.

Emily: Oh, wait, Rudolph Gottfried.
Lorelai: Another cousin?
Emily: No, a Nazi we knew. I'd forgotten. We stayed with him once in Munich. Nice old man. Interesting stories.
Lorelai: Mom, you-you socialized with a known Nazi? That's despicable. That's heinous.
Emily: No, dear, that was a joke.

Emily: So you're not going?
Lorelai: Not this time.
Emily: I don't think Claudia's planning to die a second time.

(Emily on the phone with Lorelai after finding out that Lorelai attended a cat's wake instead of her unknown cousin's funeral)
Lorelai: It's late, I have a big day tomorrow.
Emily: You're going to a raccoon's wedding?

Emily: (About Rory) I spent days planning this party, making sure everything was perfect. Making sure the food, the music, the guests, everything was perfect. And she humiliated me in front of my friends.
Lorelai: You don't know her! You've never tried to know her! Like you never tried to know me!
Emily: Oh, you'd like to think that, wouldn't you? I know you perfectly. Do you think I sit going "Why does Lorelai do this? Or that? I don't know. She's such a mystery to me."
Lorelai: That's it. I give up.
Emily: Oh, if I had a dollar for every time you gave up-
Lorelai: (In tears) You could pay for this party, couldn't you?

(Lorelai and Rory are in Lorelai's room in Emily's house)
Rory: I guess I should go downstairs and apologize to Grandma.
Lorelai: Oh, give it a minute...
Emily:(appearing in doorway) There you are!
Lorelai: She'll find us.

Emily: Could you be serious? We're shopping for Rory.
Lorelai: No Mom, I'm shopping for Rory, you are shopping for your imaginary granddaughter, Barbara Hutton.

Emily: Tomorrow our lawyer, Joseph Stanford, is coming by.
Lorelai: Ugh. Crazy Sissy's dad.
Emily: That's terrible. Sissy was a good friend of yours.
Lorelai: Mom, Sissy talked to her stuffed animals and they answered her.

Emily: You know, you could get a maid in here once a week to at least tidy the place up.
Lorelai: I like it cluttered.
Emily: You can't even find the bed.
Lorelai: Yes I can. It's the thing I crash into on the way to the closet.

Emily: This Patricia --
Lorelai: Miss Patty.
Emily: She teaches dance?
Lorelai: Among other things.

Lorelai: Hi, Mom.
Emily: Lorelai, my goodness, this is a surprise. Is it Easter already?
Lorelai: (sounding uncomfortable) No, I just, uh, finished up my business class and I thought I would stop by.
Emily: To see me?
Lorelai: Yes.
Emily: Well, isn't that nice. Come in.
Lorelai: Thanks.
(They walk to the living room.)
Lorelai: The place looks great.
Emily: It hasn't changed.
Lorelai: Well, there you go. How are the girls at the bridge club?
Emily: Old.
Lorelai: Well... good.
(Lorelai and Emily sit, opposite to each other)
Emily: You said you were taking a business class?
Lorelai: Yeah, mmhmm, yeah. I'm taking a business class at the college twice a week. I'm sure I told you.
Emily: Well, if you're sure then you must have. (she pauses) Would you like some tea?
Lorelai: I would love some coffee.
Richard: (calling from another room) Emily? I'm home.
Emily: We're in here.
(Richard walks into the living room)
Lorelai: Hi, Dad.
Richard: What is it, Christmas already?

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Lorelai: Hi, Mom.
Emily: Lorelai, my goodness, this is a surprise. Is it Easter already?
Lorelai: (sounding uncomfortable) No, I just, uh, finished up my business class and I thought I would stop by.
Emily: To see me?
Lorelai: Yes.
Emily: Well, isn't that nice. Come in.
Lorelai: Thanks.
(They walk to the living room.)
Lorelai: The place looks great.
Emily: It hasn't changed.
Lorelai: Well, there you go. How are the girls at the bridge club?
Emily: Old.
Lorelai: Well... good.
(Lorelai and Emily sit, opposite to each other)
Emily: You said you were taking a business class?
Lorelai: Yeah, mmhmm, yeah. I'm taking a business class at the college twice a week. I'm sure I told you.
Emily: Well, if you're sure then you must have. (she pauses) Would you like some tea?
Lorelai: I would love some coffee.
Richard: (calling from another room) Emily? I'm home.
Emily: We're in here.
(Richard walks into the living room)
Lorelai: Hi, Dad.
Richard: What is it, Christmas already?

Lorelai: (speaking to Luke) Wow, you look nice. Really nice.
Luke: I had a meeting earlier at the bank. They like collars. You look nice, too.
Lorelai: I had a flagellation to go to.
Luke: So, what'll you have?
Lorelai: Coffee, in a vat.
Rory: I'll have coffee also. And chili fries.
Luke: That's quite a refined palate you got there.
(Luke walks to the counter)
Lorelai: (to Rory) Behold the healing powers of a bath.