Emily: The roast looks perfect. Oh Jess, do you eat meat? I forgot to ask you.
Jess: I'm a carnivore.
Emily: Good, I don't see how anybody could resist meat.
Jess: That's why we have teeth.
Emily: That's how I feel.

Lorelai: We want to do it cheap.
Emily: We'll pay.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Grandma, it's going to be fun really.
Lorelai: Kids do it all the time.
Emily: Yes, but you're not a kid.

Lorelai: You look peeved.
Emily: I'm not peeved.
Lorelai: Well, you look peeved.
Emily: Kindly stop making me say the word peeved.

Rory: Which maid was it?
Emily: Gertha, the one from Hamburg, Germany.
Lorelai: Which one was she?
Rory: You remember. She was the one who you made all those Hamburg-hamburger jokes to.
Lorelai: God, I beat that dead horse.
Rory: With glee.
Emily: She was the clomper.
Lorelai: The clomper?
Emily: She'd be upstairs making the bed and it'd sound like a Munich beer hall rally.
Lorelai: That's why you fired her?
Emily: Yes.
Lorelai: Because she made noise when she walked?
Emily: Yes.

Everything that's wrong in your life is my fault. Everything that's wrong in your father's life is my fault. Basically, everything's that wrong is my fault.

Emily: This couch cannot stay.
Lorelai: Yes, it can.
Emily: It's awful.
Lorelai: It can hear you.
Emily: Please.
Lorelai: No.

Emily: Well, your father's sixtieth birthday dinner is back on.
Lorelai: What sixtieth birthday dinner?
Emily: The one that I had planned for Wednesday night.
Lorelai: Oh, were we coming?
Emily: Of course you were coming. You think you wouldn't be invited?
Lorelai: Well, apparently, we weren't invited.
Emily: I had just started planning the whole thing when he came home in a mood and declared that parties were for children and it was canceled.
Lorelai: Were we disappointed?

Emily: (about Lorelai's house) Is it clean?
Lorelai: Yeah, it's clean.
Emily: If I came in there wearing white gloves, what would I find?
Lorelai: That you could pull a rabbit out of your hat.

Rory: Salad's great, Grandma.
Emily: I'm surprised you can eat at this point, even salad.
Rory: There's still room.
Lorelai: And if there isn't room, we'll add on. I know a good contractor.

Emily: Lorelai, hello.
Lorelai: Mom?
Emily: You remember, I'm so touched.

Emily: And what do you intend to do with that paper clip?
Lorelai: I intend to carve something really dirty into the bathroom door.
Emily: Lorelai.
Lorelai: What rhymes with Nantucket?

Emily: Why are you throwing cutlery in a public place?
Lorelai: Uh, 'cause I feel stupid doing it at home?

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