Jonathan: Have you let someone move in right after you slept with them?
George: Yes, three times disastrous.

I'm going to drink as much booze and smoke as much pot as I want. Thank you very much.

Oh this is wonderful!

George: Hey, Jonathan told me that you are quite the ladies man nowadays.
Ray: That's right, I've been with two woman since Leigh left me. A drunk and an elf.

Why are you always picking on me? I don't procrastinate. I just like to do things later.

George: Oh Ray, Happy Birthday!
Ray: Oh you shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did.

The best positive thinking in life is thinking of others.

I don't have to go to rehab. I have cancer.

I have to take a drug test?

Okay we both need to do better with our positive thinking.

I'm going to blame myself for this prostate cancer.

I don't negotiate with kidnapers or terrorists.

Bored to Death Quotes

(to Jonathan) I hope your heart is broken many times because it means you would have loved many times.

Dimitri

Men face reality. Women don't. That why men need to drink.

George